This Topper Is Offensive On Several Levels (Holiday Stories)

[gunsofchekhovia]

I seen 'em at the mall. 'Bout thirty-five of 'em, bald heads, black turtlenecks. We didn't think nothin' of it.

That is, until they hanged the mall Santa, right there in the middle of the mall, for everybody to see. Police said they couldn't arrest 'em, somethin' about freedom of speech.

After that, ever' damn house in town with Christmas lights, they burned 'em down. Lef' a li'l sign in the yard, said, “Happy Holidays,” and a bad cuss word.

You may find my red, white, and blue Christmas tree humorous, but I have not forgotten the War on Christmas.

[Varda]

Hmm. Eeeenteresting. I'm trying to figure out if this is a reference to something particular, or if the bald guys are just generic Walter White-style Christmas terrorists.

Would the Guns behind the curtain care to fill me in?

[gunsofchekhovia]

I just pictured them as generic, young, Christmas-hating atheist types. Wearing turtlenecks and having neither hair nor hats, they are the antithesis of everything the narrator's America stands for, and they are responsible for the War on Christmas.

(It's satire.)

[strawman]

The whole Christmas=Santa Claus & reindeer thing is the war against Christmas. So I'm not offended.
Peace on Earth, Good will toward y'all.

[gunsofchekhovia]

strawman, I agree completely. The complete and utter commercialization of Christmas is far more damaging to it, in my opinion, than someone telling me "Happy Holidays." But my grandfather would probably disagree.

[ROU Killing Time]

The whole Christmas=Santa Claus & reindeer thing is the war against Christmas. So I'm not offended.
Peace on Earth, Good will toward y'all.

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.

[Varda]

Count me a 3rd in the anti-commercialism camp. I actually like it when businesses use "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", because I feel less like someone is trying to use the sacred to get me to buy more crap. For me, there's something horrifying about a nativity juxtaposed with SALE SALE SALE.

Peace, my friends, whatever you're celebrating.

[strawman]

Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.

13 more characters, ROU! You can do it!

[will write for beer]

When I was younger, I didn't mind Christmas. But after six years of working retail (during and after college), I grew to dislike it with the tepidness of a warm bowl of spit.

Nice drabble, btw.

[ROU Killing Time]

And The Grinch?
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, means a little bit more.

13 more characters, ROU! You can do it!

[strawman]

FTW!!!

[ROU Killing Time]

FTW!!!

Seuss goes alongside Aesop and Homer in my book.