Drabblecast 347 - Why I Hate Zombie Unicorns

[Algernon Sydney is Dead]

Feature: Why I Hate Zombie Unicorns by Laura Pearlman
No drabble for this episode.
Genres: Comedy Fantasy Horror Strange



Saturday, January 10th, 2015
The good news is, zombie unicorns almost never bite. The bad news is, even a tiny scratch from a zombie unicorn horn will turn you into a zombie. Mom discovered that by accident.

Read by: Renée Chambliss
Episode Art: David Flett
This story first appeared in Shimmer #20, July 2014.

Twabble: “ I know they're watching. Waiting, expectant, in the walls and ceiling. I begin my performance, to rapturous applause. ” by pondspider

[Chairman Goodchild]

Since no one has said it yet, congratulations to new chief editor Nathan Lee. I have faith in you and your ability to keep bringing the weird, offbeat stories that make the Drabblecast such a great podcast.

And as an aspiring writer, it's been a dream of mine to one day get a story read on the Drabblecast. I especially liked this episode about unicorns, because it's not too different than my current project. In fact, some of the characters of the hit series My Little Pony are unicorns. And while the Drabblecast hasn't run erotic slash fiction yet, I figure there's always the first time, because variety is what the Drabblecast is all about, right?

And it's not like I haven't my research, God knows I've looked thru enough veterinary books and watched enough videos on the subject of equine reproductive anatomy and physiology to give my story the gritty, hyper-realistic feel that one just doesn't find in, frankly, any My Little Pony slash fiction. No matter how hard one looks. Or for how long.

I'm currently coming down on the final draft, and don't worry, Nathan, I'll be sliding that one into your inbox soon.

[bounceswoosh]

Wow. If that's not enough to send Nathan running ...

[SpareInch]

I've said it before. I don't like Zombie Stories.

I just think they're lazy. As if the world building thought train runs...

It's the end of the world and all civilisation has ended except for a handful of survivors. Ah but of course, if there are only a handful of survivors, they will all have amazing combat and survival skills, access to a high security compound to make into their safe base, and an unlimited supply of guns, ammo, motorised transport and fuel. And obviously any scientists with the skills to rebuild civilisation will also be there with free access to all the labs and equipment they could possibly need.

So what can we do to create some modicum of difficulty for these survivors to overcome?

I know! We'll have XOMBIES!!!!!

And making the zombies into unicorns didn't do anything for me beyond making me think, "Oh, for goodness SAKES!"

Then, just when it was getting interesting and the kids were going to deliberately turn the narrator into a Zombie Virgin to attract the zombie unicorns...

It ends!

some of the characters of the hit series My Little Pony are unicorns. And while the Drabblecast hasn't run erotic slash fiction yet, I figure there's always the first time, because variety is what the Drabblecast is all about, right?

How many tentacles does an MLP unicorn have? That's the important question.

[bounceswoosh]

Well, I liked the story. So there.

[Algernon Sydney is Dead]

Yep, good story that ended on a nicely amusing note. The narration was perfect for the story too.
I liked the mostly cheerful tone and the great comic timing.

[Chairman Goodchild]

How many tentacles does an MLP unicorn have? That's the important question.

Spoilers...

[Penman Bland]

I'm a little zombied-out myself (and trying desperately to work up a response in fiction), but I'm willing to overlook my prejudice in this case, for two reasons:

1) Unicorn zombies, and the nice if briefly-handled blending of the attached mythologies;
2) The extremely realistic examination of kids left to their own devices. We keep the little savages distracted for a reason.

[Chairman Goodchild]

I did a Google Image search for "zombie unicorn." I was not expecting to get hundreds of unique images. Evidently, zombie unicorns are a thing. I did not know that.

[El Barto]

Exciting and great news about Nathan Lee stepping (fully) into the spotlight. This transition seems like the best of all worlds.

As for this story, I too am completely zombie'd out. The whole genre just makes no sense from the perspective of basic physics once a zombie lasts to the point that it needs to eat. Where does the energy come from to move arms and legs if it can't digest or respirate? Too much hand-waving for me.

That said, I did enjoy this story. It was very well narrated, funny, had a great point of view, and ended with a smirk.

[SpareInch]

As for this story, I too am completely zombie'd out. The whole genre just makes no sense from the perspective of basic physics once a zombie lasts to the point that it needs to eat. Where does the energy come from to move arms and legs if it can't digest or respirate? Too much hand-waving for me.

Thanks, Bart. I was beginning to think it was just me.

As a Brit, I suppose I should be glad that Hammer Films gifted the world what, with blatant disregard for geography, might be called The Hollywood Zombie, but personally, I think the traditional Voo-Doo Zombies are much scarier.

Not sure how you could do Voo-Doo with this story though... Feed your cute little Shetland Pony with oats laced with Puffer Fish Liver, then while he's all paralysed, summon the spirit of some long dead unicorn to possess his mortal body?