How To Write A Hit Song

[MementoHero]

Roy Orbison was enraptured by the beautiful woman swaying on the sidewalk. Naturally, he pulled up to her. He had found his muse.

“Hey there, how would you like me to write a song about you?” Orbison asked while opening the passenger door.

A week later “Pretty Woman” was recorded, but with mandatory label management notes on altering the lyrics, such as changing “eat” to “meet”.

She might have been thrilled to know that the song written about her became so iconic, though she never would. She was now a missing person and only Orbison knew where her bones were.

[MementoHero]

Tell me straight - did this not work because of the immediate sexual way it can be interpreted before the last line? Or was there not really anything wrong with it was just “meh”? Because I can see it being either. Both maybe.

[MonsieurMoustache]

Hmm. I think it's a little clunky. I feel like reworking the idea might help though. The last line is also very on the nose.

[The_Hol-Man]

I might change up the order of the information a bit. Once you reveal that the studio that demanded changing "eat" to "meet," I think that tells the whole story, so you might want to save it for last somehow.

--Andy

[MementoHero]

Thanks, I appreciate that and I felt that was where it had it’s problem too.