Post
by Dr. Sabotage! » Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:13 am
Cattlesnake - Originally bred to deter milk poachers, these 900 pound half-dairycow/half-rattlesnake hybrids were considered by farmers to be dangerous and impractical. Unable to inspire a realistic solution in the agricultural industrial, the cattlesnake now maunders the Midwest inspiring fear. Feeding off elk, coyote, and the occasional backpackers, these abandoned scaly-bovines are a growing problem amongst American's fertile plains. It is speculated that their milk is as delicious as their venom is deadly.
Beagull - A ground-nesting carnivore, this beagle/seagull hybrid lives mostly in densely packed and noisy colonies. Known for their keen sense of smell and pack mentality, the beagull's size is greatly compensated for their large numbers and ability to locate prey with their scenting abilities.
Octopig - Eight cloven-tentacles, one curly tail, and pre-cured for your convenience, the unfortunate beginnings of the octopig began as man's solution for salty bacon in a future with slimmer coastlines. Due to budgetary setbacks, the development to perfect an octopig as a social and intelligent creature was cut, leaving the creation with the temperament of an octopus. The first, and only, man-made beast on the endangered species list, these semi-aquatic omnivores consume both plant and animal, meaning no one, on land or in the water, can ever truly be safe.
Beardactyl - A vestige from prehistoric times? Or a new species that evolved in isolation? Little is known about the beardactyl's origins, but what is clearly defined is that these winged bruins are an emerging threat to anything that crosses their path. Highly-complex wings are able to ensure an active flight, while supporting the beast's large body, stocky legs, long snout, shaggy hair, plantigrade paws with five nonretractile claws, and short tail. Few have seen the majestic flight of the beardactyl, and even fewer have lived to tell its tale.
Chegg - A transitory species between the chicken and an ancestor of unknown origin, the chegg answers the causality dilemma of which came first: the chicken or the egg? Offering nothing in terms of protection, the chegg's entire physical structure is that of a featherless oval body with the appendages of a domesticated fowl. "Discovered" by modern civilization recently as being raised in captivity by the elusive Osisí pygmy tribe, the chegg provides not the damage that leaves broken bones and lasting scars, but leaves his opponents in a state of metaphysical confusion. Unable to comprehend the logical fallacy and infinite regression the chegg introduces, most foes are unable to attack as they are utterly unable to comprehend.
Note: A more succinct description of these magnificent beasts was earlier written, but even I, Dr. Sabotage!, am victim of human error, and clicked on an inconveniently-placed link on the library's bookmark toolbar. They now are wordier, less thoughtful, dare I say erudite, for if I must suffer so shall you!
