This is a repost of something I first posted in a spoof agony aunt column run by one of the other members on a Trans forum, but I think it has wider appeal, so I thought I'd put it up here too.
I promise, NO EROTIC CONTENT.
Moy Deer Auntie May. If dat is yer real name, which Oy very much doubt!
As a Leprechaun, Oy am nat inclined to read Woodworkers Tools Magazine, since Oy do nat work wit wood. Oy prefer to read De Vortual Numismatist, or Cobblers Montly, which Oy get fer de maintenance tips fer seven league boots. Oy am a keen Booter, and you moit remember me as de winner of the Ammeter Trophy at de Isle Of Man BB (Big Boot) races in two tousand and tree, altough Oy have had to witdraw from competition wit a broken heel suffered in de Marta’s vineyard All comers Trophy in America tree years ago.
Anyway. It was woil visitin’ moy pedi… peda… pedo… chiropodist dis week dat Oy picked up a copy of Woodworkors Tools dat some filty scoundrel had left on de coffee table.
Oy could hardly believe moi ois at all at all!
Oy have nivor seen such a load of drivel, Pure DRIVEL! since Kormack Patrick O’Leary wrote his name backwards on de Blarney Stone in Greek letters six yads tall!
And dat took some doin’ as Kormack can’t read nor write!
Oy reckon dat Kathleen Flanagan moit have had a hand in it… But Oy doigress.
Imagine moi shak, Miss so called Amanda May Shagwell, when Oy hoid dat yer column, Deer May, was nat only printed in dat accorsed, ACCORSED! rag, but could also be found on an internet website which Oy Moyself have never lagged anto, but where humans, HUMANS, BEJAYZUS! can ask all manner of tricky questions about der inclinations to dress in de clots of de odder sex!
Woi can I nat read dis feature in Vortual numismatist or Cobblers Montly?
Ireland is full of leprechauns wit just de same troubles, and even worse, since all de shaps in de Repoblic now have Fairy Gold Detectors at de checkout, and de Leprechard is accepted in Tousands fewer places dan any odder credit card Alan Whicker ever advortised, so Oy really need to know how to get moi Crock Of Gold accepted in de dress shap.
Yours until mornin’
Murphy Darra O’Hara (Leprechaun)
The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.