Slaughterhouse

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Phenopath
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Slaughterhouse

Post by Phenopath » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:13 pm

One morning Gilbert awoke from an unpleasant dream in which he was a pig. A nightmare he realised, as he sat with the images still fresh and vivid in his mind.

In the dream he had been imprisoned in the back of a truck, crammed in with his herd standing supine as they were jostled by the moving vehicle. Worse still, he alone was conscious of their destination; off to the slaughterhouse to have their throats slit. He had screamed in terror.

With a trotter Gilbert wearily rubbed the sleep from his eyes and went downstairs to get some coffee.
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ROU Killing Time
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Re: Slaughterhouse

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:22 pm

You know what goes great with that morning cup of coffee? A nice big plate of crisp bacon, that's what.

/drool
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TheJebi
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Re: Slaughterhouse

Post by TheJebi » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:29 pm

Made me laugh, hope that doesn't mean I am insensitive to the horrible plight of farm animals.

I had to google "trotter" just to be just to be sure it was a pig foot.

I guess he's in for a "rude awakening" when he tries to make coffee without thumbs.
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strawman
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Re: Slaughterhouse

Post by strawman » Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:11 pm

TheJebi has apparently not listened to one of my favorite episodes, Circes, or he would have recognized trotters. Sweet homework, my friend.
On the other hand, something must be done about the standing supine thing.
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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: Slaughterhouse

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:51 pm

Yeah, "standing supine" is an oxymoron. Supine is straight from the Latin for "lying on its back".

Also the trotter doesn't make sense. It can be slang for a pigs foot, "prepared as food". So why would Gilbert have this in his bed. Wouldn't he get one in the kitchen?

Anyway, the story did a good job of sucking us in and building tension. But, the last line seems like a WTF moment and a bit of a let-down. Maybe changing "trotter" to "Lucky pig's foot" might help.

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strawman
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Re: Slaughterhouse

Post by strawman » Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:16 am

No, the last line is the incidental reveal that the guy is a pig. Got to have a pig part in there somewhere.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Phenopath
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Re: Slaughterhouse

Post by Phenopath » Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:04 am

Hmm, that last line is a little clumsy. I will have fix that someday.
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