Snow-Colored Fabrications

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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dreamrock
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Snow-Colored Fabrications

Post by dreamrock » Sun Dec 20, 2009 11:06 pm

Your mother and I hear you want to open your presents a mere five hours into the day on which we have allowed you to believe the savior was born.

No presents will be opened before our family's traditional hour, noon, for appropriate consciousness on that most sacred day.

We are not cruel parents. Our yearly hangover is essential to the holiday and not a symptom of regret at our having so many children.

The truth is ... this year, Santa used UPS for some present delivery. The wretched UPS tracking shows that your presents are still in the south pole.
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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: Snow-Colored Fabrications

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Mon Dec 21, 2009 12:09 am

Fine start and progression, and nice touch with the "essential hangover". :)

The last 'graph bumped me though. It seems so unlikely and forced.
It also begs questions like: How could the brats fail to notice the absence of presents? Plus, every kid in my extended family -- over the age of 4 -- knows how to use UPS tracking as well as I do.

I'd offer alternatives, but the only good endings I can conjure, right now, are rather politically inflammatory.

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dreamrock
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Re: Snow-Colored Fabrications

Post by dreamrock » Mon Dec 21, 2009 12:28 am

Algernon Sydney is Dead wrote:Fine start and progression, and nice touch with the "essential hangover". :)

The last 'graph bumped me though. It seems so unlikely and forced.
It also begs questions like: How could the brats fail to notice the absence of presents? Plus, every kid in my extended family -- over the age of 4 -- knows how to use UPS tracking as well as I do.

I'd offer alternatives, but the only good endings I can conjure, right now, are rather politically inflammatory.
:lol: Well, the story is all for the UPS tracking joke. Like quite a few of my stories, this is partly inspired by a true story. Nothing actually in this story happened to me, etc. except that UPS is always claiming that they haven't received the package yet and then suddenly it shows up where it was supposed to be 1-3 days late even though it was never delivered to them. Magic. MAGIC I SAY.

That said, in the reality of this story, the drunkard parents are just making up excuses for why they can't be out of bed early. So, I should probably lose the UPS hate and figure out how to story-ify this a bit better.
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