Mission Statement

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Phenopath
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Mission Statement

Post by Phenopath » Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:10 pm

The mission statement should have warned us. The corporate prospectus for Cerberus Integrated Technologies bore the motto; "To subjugate mankind".

However this kind of ambition, and aggression, was music to the ears of a recession weary Wall Street. Investors flocked to the company hailed as the renaissance of American manufacturing. The IPO in late 2010 raised $1.2 billion of capital which, as promised, was ploughed back into R&D.

Three years later I am cowering in a storm drain. Outside Cerberus MegaCorp killbots strut through the snowy streets of Houston hunting uncollared humans.

There are not many of us left now.
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eric_marsh
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by eric_marsh » Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:36 pm

Very good!
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. - Horace Walpole
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strawman
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by strawman » Tue Jan 05, 2010 12:53 am

The motto is not usually in the prospectus. It would be cooler to have it in Latin on a coat of arms with a multi-headed dog. "Ut subicere homines" (I think). Always cool to have the twist in Latin.
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Mr. Tweedy
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Tue Jan 05, 2010 6:55 am

It's funny because it's true.
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Phenopath
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by Phenopath » Tue Jan 05, 2010 9:27 am

I thought that this was a Tweedy sort of drabble.

This also reminds me in passing of...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO5WoLnOOlU" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false
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ROU Killing Time
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by ROU Killing Time » Tue Jan 05, 2010 9:59 am

I heart Drabbilus Phenopathus.
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Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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strawman
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by strawman » Tue Jan 05, 2010 12:30 pm

Do you think in another 70 years, we'll be able to make people laugh about the other horrible stuff?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:56 am

It hurts too much to laugh.

Good drabble.

I'm guilty, myself, of not reading the prospectus and annual reports of all the companies I invest in. ("What do you mean, my Cisco proxies are held by Skynet?!")

Lord knows, no one reads the cr*p out of Washington either -- but, wait, this wasn't an allegory, was it? :)

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Re: Mission Statement

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Mon Jan 11, 2010 1:50 am

It's true in several ways. That's why it's so good.
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Phenopath
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by Phenopath » Mon Jan 11, 2010 8:37 pm

Thanks, I am glad you guys liked it. For my next drabble I will reveal how King Charles III takes away all of your guns. ;)
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ROU Killing Time
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by ROU Killing Time » Tue Jan 12, 2010 11:03 am

Death to the king. Long live George Washington (and his hemp farms...)
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Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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munsi
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by munsi » Wed Jan 13, 2010 5:26 am

that amuses me greatly!

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crazyhorse
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Re: Mission Statement

Post by crazyhorse » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:01 am

Great story! I love the sheeple mentality of the investors.

Also, kudos to you for the Mitchell and Webb clip!
The floggings will continue until morale improves.

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