We Are the Dead

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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munsi
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We Are the Dead

Post by munsi » Sat Feb 06, 2010 11:11 pm

We are the dead.

Well, “We” aren’t. I mean, you aren’t. You’re the living. Specifically, you’re living inside a farmhouse, windows and doors barricaded, huddling together, trying not to scream or cry, praying for rescue that’ll never come.

We are the dead, out here, outside the farmhouse, shambling, moaning, hungry. Banging on the door, waiting for it to collapse under the weight of our combined assault.

Your barricades are too hastily built, blind terror kept you from reinforcing them properly. The door won’t last long under a siege of rotted flesh.

And when it opens, we’ll be the dead.

Together.

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Phenopath
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Re: We Are the Dead

Post by Phenopath » Sat Feb 06, 2010 11:17 pm

Very good.

The internal monologue of the zombie is very eloquent, almost poetic. Your would not think it to listen to them moaning and groaning outside.
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Scattercat
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Re: We Are the Dead

Post by Scattercat » Sat Feb 06, 2010 11:22 pm

I like the last line; it redeems the piece almost entirely, all by itself. Up until then I was very "meh," but the turnaround was successful, I think.

((That comma after "banging on the door" should be a semicolon, though. A useful tool for scraping off a handful of words, I've found.))

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munsi
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Re: We Are the Dead

Post by munsi » Sun Feb 07, 2010 7:21 am

Scattercat wrote:((That comma after "banging on the door" should be a semicolon, though. A useful tool for scraping off a handful of words, I've found.))
yeah, that's the problem with actors trying to write, i always get them down as i'd deliver them, with less thought than i should toward the finer points of punctuation. i'll own that.

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