Dear Occupant

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Scattercat
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Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:17 am
Location: Under There

Dear Occupant

Post by Scattercat » Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:12 am

Dear Occupant,

We regret to inform you this house has been selected for the 2006 Murder-Suicide Haunting. As the owner/resident, there are several steps you should take:

1) A reliable local Laundromat. Blood stains are stubborn, especially when washed with more blood.

2) Food storage issues. Items left in the house for longer than two (2) hours will be filled with writhing maggots.

3) Child safety. If you are a parent, use caution when approaching any child staring fixedly at an unusual object, particularly televisions or radios broadcasting static.

Further details are in the accompanying pamphlet, “Multi-Vital Households and You.” Please read thoroughly.

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ROU Killing Time
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Location: Portland, OR

Re: Dear Occupant

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:03 am

This could all be solved simply by sending $100 dollars, US American to Appstore Nissanhonda. A powerful wish doctor, she is.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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strawman
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 2:20 pm
Location: South Georgia

Re: Dear Occupant

Post by strawman » Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:48 pm

You guys have prematurely ejaculated a sure winner in the third annual Nigerian spam scam contest.
I understand. I can't wait either for the glorious day when Nigeria hosts the Winter Olympics and introduces the Combined Super G Scam Spam Slalom event.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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ROU Killing Time
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Re: Dear Occupant

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sat Feb 27, 2010 8:01 am

strawman wrote:You guys have prematurely ejaculated a sure winner in the third annual Nigerian spam scam contest.
I understand. I can't wait either for the glorious day when Nigeria hosts the Winter Olympics and introduces the Combined Super G Scam Spam Slalom event.
Dearest resident of mid-atlantic states united of Amerika. I ahve recently come to beholdin our nations vitals stores of snow for the coming soon Winter Olympics in Nigeria. We have little place to hold the vital white substance, so would appreciate most sincere your assistance in this matter of greatest importance...
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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