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Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 3:01 pm
by Jmsbrtms
Paleo-Drabble

Mungo hungery. Mungo's wife tell Mungo to get out of cave; kill antilope; wife's mother coming over for dinner.

Mungo go out to open plane. Follow antilope herd. Mungo step in antilope poo; scrapped foot on rock to get poo off. Poo stink. Lion smell poo; chase Mungo. Mungo run fast; climb tree. Lion climb tree; Mungo jump down; throw rocks and poo at lion. Lion go away.

Mungo smell like poo; sneak up on antelope easy. Bring antelope back to cave. Wife complain about smell. Mungo drop poo on mother's foot. Mungo tell her no lions by antelope.

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 6:49 pm
by strawman
I like. But please explain the last sentence.

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:18 pm
by ROU Killing Time
strawman wrote:I like. But please explain the last sentence.
He's telling her to go stand where it's safe, by the antelope, where there are most assuredly no mother-in-law eating lions lurking. Honest.

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:36 pm
by Jmsbrtms
I thought there would be a little confusion with the choppy style and the 100 word limit. I'm surprised how much story is here for 100 words. If I had a few more words it would say "when mother go home tell her no lions by antelope herd".

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:54 pm
by strawman
I think caveman linguistics really make it easier to do more with 100 words. Mostly reduced to nouns and verbs. Why not try to figure out a rework that will clarify the "punchline"? I think it would be a strong contender for DoW.

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:23 pm
by Phenopath
:)

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:59 pm
by ROU Killing Time
strawman wrote:I think caveman linguistics really make it easier to do more with 100 words. Mostly reduced to nouns and verbs.
Tell me you didn't just imply that Drabbling is so easy that even a caveman can do it...

Starting to think that Strawman works in the Geico advertisement department...

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:59 am
by strawman
I's just sayin', ifn you take out all the adjectives and adverbs and pronouns and conjunctions, that leaves a lot more space for plot, and character development and nuanced psychological interaction.

As it were.

I'm currently working on a War and Peace paleo-drabble/

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:44 am
by tbaker2500
Tom read drabble. Tom like drabble.

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2010 1:32 am
by eric_marsh
tbaker2500 wrote:Tom read drabble. Tom like drabble.
Me too

Re: Paleo-Drabble

Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:03 pm
by mrgoldenbrown
I like it. I got the punchline. But I did do a science fair project on paleolithic humor modalities in the savanna environment, so I might not be typical.