The Bus Stop

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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flyawaybefree
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The Bus Stop

Post by flyawaybefree » Mon Jul 26, 2010 6:50 am

Mara hates riding the bus. She dreads coming to the lone graffiti-ed bench every day, waiting. She would stop riding the bus, but then she’d never get to her college classes. She’s having a harder time explaining the mysterious bruises that color her arms and legs, though. Today, she walks to the familiar bench, nodding knowingly to fellow veterans, a businessman with an eye-patch, and old lady with a bandaged bloody stump, and many others. They have no choice as the bus pulls up. Looking to the driver-less wheel, they find their seats, and flinch as the bus growls hungrily.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

Turtle420
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Re: The Bus Stop

Post by Turtle420 » Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:30 am

Good idea for a story, I like the twist ending. I think it might be beneficial to break it into two paragraphs to add to the pacing and tone of the story. As it is, I think this piece lacks structure.
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ROU Killing Time
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Re: The Bus Stop

Post by ROU Killing Time » Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:02 am

I've always been leery of buses since the day one tried to eat me as I was walking through the crosswalk (yes, this happened in Portland, true story.)

Do you need the dashes in graffitied and driverless though? Can we get a ruling on that Miss Grimsley?
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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strawman
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Re: The Bus Stop

Post by strawman » Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:52 am

no dash
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
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Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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ROU Killing Time
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Re: The Bus Stop

Post by ROU Killing Time » Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:55 am

strawman wrote:no dash
<grabbing shovel to bury you a bit deeper...>

Why thank you Miss G. Now, go comment on my new drabble. Promise it won't make you gag... (from over sentimentality at least...)

Needs a grammar check, and there's no one like you...
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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