Say It, Out Loud

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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flyawaybefree
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Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2010 7:58 pm

Say It, Out Loud

Post by flyawaybefree » Sat Sep 18, 2010 3:18 am

He came up behind her, quiet as the wind, amidst the dark shadows from the canopy that cut out almost any light from the already overcast sky.

He was close enough to her that she could hear him when he whispered.

She knew what he was.
“Vampire.”

She knew too much.

“And you know what you are?” He inquired gently, smirking, leaning closer still.

“What?”


“Dead.”

Digging his teeth deep into her neck, he lost himself in the sweet metallic bouquet of her blood.
Draining her dry, he left her there in the forest, letting her be someone else’s problem.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

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strawman
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Location: South Georgia

Re: Say It, Out Loud

Post by strawman » Sat Sep 18, 2010 10:48 am

Two quibbles do not a drabble unmake...
Both in the last two sentences. First, the missing "in", with what that does to word count. Second, "Drained dry, he..." implies that the wrong character is drained. Perhaps "He emptied her and left her there" would solve both?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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