My First Drabble

[El Barto]

Hi all. After hearing so many great Drabbles on the podcast I finally tried writing one myself. I posted it but it didn't get a single comment -- not even a "terrible first effort!" So, I figured I'd repost and fish for feedback. Below the Drabble, the story behind it...



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Peaceful Moment

After the initial violence (and muffled sonic boom) generated by the launch of the world’s first engineless orbital glider, flung at barely imaginable speeds from the mag-lev rail gun launch facility in the New Mexico desert, the sleek vehicle whisked its 15 wealthy clients silently into orbit.

Even the sound of the whistling wind disappeared abruptly as the precious atmosphere thinned, and then faded, into nothingness.

Inside the cabin, awestruck passengers gaped speechlessly at the life-changing view of their fragile homeworld.

Their reverent silence was interrupted only by a few teary-eyed sniffles.

Until Johnson’s ringing cell phone drew fourteen stares.
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I wrote this on the Amtrak train between NYC and DC. It was a quiet rainy night and everyone was working or reading or sleeping ... except for this one woman who was on the phone the entire time drawing stares.

[swamp]

I remember this one and I like it. I can totally picture the scene and hear the phone. Very funny. I don't know why I didn't comment the first time. I'd say it is Dribble-worthy, but this is a busy month for me, and I already have stoies in my queue, plus an "October project". But I'd love to hear sombody else do it!

[flyawaybefree]

it is definetly a good drabble. Sometimes people don't comment on good drabbles... I've had a lot of those disappear down the list. Just keep posting!

[El Barto]

Thanks so much for the kind words. I really appreciate it and will check out the Dribblecast that I've heard about a few times recently but have yet to check out.

[Rish Outfield]

Don't get me started on cellphones. Sounds like a kindred spirit out there.

[cdugger]

I'll record this one. It's great!

I'm thinking Agent Smith for this.

"Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of 14 people yelling for you to turn off that d***ed phone."

"The name is, uh, hold on, I gotta get this...Hello?"