My First Drabble

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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El Barto
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My First Drabble

Post by El Barto » Tue Oct 05, 2010 5:59 pm

Hi all. After hearing so many great Drabbles on the podcast I finally tried writing one myself. I posted it but it didn't get a single comment -- not even a "terrible first effort!" So, I figured I'd repost and fish for feedback. Below the Drabble, the story behind it...



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Peaceful Moment

After the initial violence (and muffled sonic boom) generated by the launch of the world’s first engineless orbital glider, flung at barely imaginable speeds from the mag-lev rail gun launch facility in the New Mexico desert, the sleek vehicle whisked its 15 wealthy clients silently into orbit.

Even the sound of the whistling wind disappeared abruptly as the precious atmosphere thinned, and then faded, into nothingness.

Inside the cabin, awestruck passengers gaped speechlessly at the life-changing view of their fragile homeworld.

Their reverent silence was interrupted only by a few teary-eyed sniffles.

Until Johnson’s ringing cell phone drew fourteen stares.
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I wrote this on the Amtrak train between NYC and DC. It was a quiet rainy night and everyone was working or reading or sleeping ... except for this one woman who was on the phone the entire time drawing stares.

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swamp
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Re: My First Drabble

Post by swamp » Tue Oct 05, 2010 7:12 pm

I remember this one and I like it. I can totally picture the scene and hear the phone. Very funny. I don't know why I didn't comment the first time. I'd say it is Dribble-worthy, but this is a busy month for me, and I already have stoies in my queue, plus an "October project". But I'd love to hear sombody else do it!

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flyawaybefree
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Re: My First Drabble

Post by flyawaybefree » Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:21 pm

it is definetly a good drabble. Sometimes people don't comment on good drabbles... I've had a lot of those disappear down the list. Just keep posting!
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

El Barto
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Re: My First Drabble

Post by El Barto » Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:38 pm

Thanks so much for the kind words. I really appreciate it and will check out the Dribblecast that I've heard about a few times recently but have yet to check out.

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Rish Outfield
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Re: My First Drabble

Post by Rish Outfield » Tue Oct 19, 2010 10:45 pm

Don't get me started on cellphones. Sounds like a kindred spirit out there.

cdugger
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Re: My First Drabble

Post by cdugger » Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:13 am

I'll record this one. It's great!

I'm thinking Agent Smith for this.

"Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of 14 people yelling for you to turn off that d***ed phone."

"The name is, uh, hold on, I gotta get this...Hello?"
Artist's blog: http://cbdugger.livejournal.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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