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As Fast As I Can!

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:32 am
by zcarter80

I run for my life for if I do not run I shall surely perish.

The dark purpose in their minds was revealed as I lay on the table weak from the heat and yet I ran.

The only possessions I've carried from my home was 4 of mother’s heart pills hidden beneath gumdrop buttons.

I know they will catch me, so when they do my life will end, so shall theirs.

I taunt my parents over my shoulder once more.

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the ginger bread . . .”

Chomp.

Re: As Fast As I Can!

Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 8:52 pm
by zcarter80
Thanks everyone for all the views, just looking for a little feedback if there is any.

Re: As Fast As I Can!

Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:22 pm
by strawman
This would be a neat story for bedtime of a troublesome 3 year-old.

Re: As Fast As I Can!

Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:50 pm
by Loof
A nice concept, another dark-and-twisted-oh-my-god-what-have-you-done-to-my-childhood interpretation of a traditional fairy story, a genre we both clearly enjoy.

The line "I know they will catch me, so when they do my life will end, so shall theirs" does trip my brain up a little. I'd suggest something like "I know they will catch me, and when they do my life will end.
So shall theirs."

Re: As Fast As I Can!

Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 8:05 am
by zcarter80
i knew that line was off somehow. thanx for the note. Strawman all my stories are perfect for rowdy 3 year old's just ask my son . . . if he ever finds his way out of that burlap sack.

Re: As Fast As I Can!

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:52 am
by Thomas Daulton
I keep coming back to this one, trying to think how to critique it... I think it gets a lot of hits because there's an attachment, so people (like me) wonder why do you need an attachment in order to tell a drabble. On the one hand, the illustration really solidified the character which had not actually gelled 100% as I read the story, so in one respect, that was good use of "found art". On the other hand, using a mass-marketed image to help tell the story felt like a low blow to me. Still, your story does not actually rely on "Shrek" to accomplish its purpose -- there are plenty of other stores of baked goods coming to life, I'm thinking "Breadmaster" -- so I don't have a real complaint to hold against you. Still makes me feel ambivalent, though.

Re: As Fast As I Can!

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:14 pm
by zcarter80
Actually i posted the attachment because i came across it while looking for gingerbread templates so i could make one with my son and thought "Gee that little guy looks pissed off! I wonder what would have happened if the gingerbread man had a mean streak?" and then i wrote the drabble. It wasn't meant to be a support piece, but i just thought i would post my inspiration since it looks pretty funny to me. Dreamworks gets no blatant free plug from me. Even though hits like Shrek, How to Train Your Dragon and Kung Fu Panda are all available now on blue ray and dvd in a local S - Mart store near you! Remember "Shop smart, shop S - Mart!"