I Flunked Kindergarten

[Douglas Hackle]

Thirteen times to be exact.

After flunk #13, the school board, taking pity on me, pronounced me the new kindergarten teacher, old Miss Cruthers having just passed away.

I’m still a student in the class. As a teacher, I’m equally inept. All my students flunk every year, again and again. Whenever one flunks a thirteenth time, the kindly school board pronounces him or her a teacher of the class too.

Now there’s a million of us teacher-students swimming in a chaos-sea of broken crayons, bloodied blocks, and hostile Letter People, struggling to teach one another things none of us understand.

[strawman]

True, dat.

[Scattercat]

Ahaha, nice!

[Loren Eaton]

This sounds like higher education.

[Douglas Hackle]

This sounds like higher education.

It certainly could be.

My son graduated from kindergarten just two weeks ago. During the graduation ceremony, the parish pastor (he goes to a parochial school) gave a commencement speech in which he made the case that some of the most important lessons in life are learned in kindergarten; not only things like cleaning up after oneself and learning to listen to directions, but--and far more important--lessons like being kind to others, sharing, helping others in need, working together in groups, and resolving conflicts by talking about feelings, etc. It was a nice, heartening little speech actually, not at all heavy-handed, and much of it seeming to ring true.

But of course we all know that in reality, although the vast majority of us “pass” kindergarten and move on, many of us forget those most basic first lessons, lose them at some point along the way, if we ever learned them to begin with.

Though inspired by such reflections, “I Flunked Kindergarten” is also one of those surreal “what if” stories where suspension of disbelief gets thrown to the wind, and the resulting symbolic absurdism is open to interpretation. Yeah, I can see a possible “higher education” metaphor in there and even perhaps a more basic statement on the human condition and the evasiveness of knowledge/truth. Either way, I thought “wooden blocks” was sort of a weak link in an otherwise decent last sentence, so I changed it to “bloodied blocks” to make things a tad more cheery.

Oh and Sorry: I didn’t mean to write a damn essay here! But I’m sort of alone in this whole writing endeavor thingie. Hence, when a rare opportunity to talk about my scribbling presents itself, I sometimes pounce on it.

[strawman]

There is one additional lesson that possibly needs to be given greater attention in kindergarten. It is where we learn that participating in the discussion is the basis for future worldly involvement and influence.

Never apologize for participating in the discussion (except, of course, during nap time and time-outs).
It is essential for our community to thrive.

[Douglas Hackle]

There is one additional lesson that possibly needs to be given greater attention in kindergarten. It is where we learn that participating in the discussion is the basis for future worldly involvement and influence.

Never apologize for participating in the discussion (except, of course, during nap time and time-outs).
It is essential for our community to thrive.

Duly noted.

And apology retracted: I did mean to write that damn essay, dagnabbit!

[Loren Eaton]

Essays are all fine and good, sir!

... made the case that some of the most important lessons in life are learned in kindergarten; not only things like cleaning up after oneself and learning to listen to directions, but--and far more important--lessons like being kind to others, sharing, helping others in need, working together in groups, and resolving conflicts by talking about feelings, etc.

Your pastor is quite right. Personally, I'm convinced that most of the fundamental knowledge we need for the rest of lives we've learned by about 9th grade. Technical matters may require more education, but we've already encountered almost every political interaction with people by the time we turn, say, thirteen.

[strawman]

Which is why we should disenfranchise everyone over 13 years old.

Kids, our mature judgement voted us into the mess we're in; that does not qualify us to determine how to solve it. Your stupidity may be theoretically probable. But ours is tried and true.

[Douglas Hackle]

Good news, friends: I received word from Norm that "I Flunked Kindergarten" will be the drabble read in this week's episode of The Drabblecast.

That rules!

[ROU Killing Time]

Kudos. (you sounded a bit like Professor Farnsworth with that announcement... )

[Douglas Hackle]

Thanks.

Ohh, yeah, the Futurama guy. He rules too.