Back to School

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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DoctorBanzai
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Back to School

Post by DoctorBanzai » Mon Sep 09, 2013 10:13 pm

“What happened to this place?” I asked nobody in particular as we entered the old school. Just over twenty years ago we had graduated; it had been filled with bodies and minds. Now it was vacant, crumbling, dirty, graphitized walls greeted us.

“Didn’t you hear?” from my left came Brian’s voice. “There was a pretty severe accident here about ten years ago. Lots of people killed.”

We walked the halls, as we had when we were younger, our footsteps echoing in the silence. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked at Brian. His arms hung at his sides.

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Flintknapper
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Re: Back to School

Post by Flintknapper » Mon Sep 09, 2013 10:25 pm

Columbine? first thing that ran through my head.

decent ghost story, however, it took me reading the ending carefully to get it. I am not sure that is you or me. It seems pretty self explanatory, but I fumbled in my reading on the last sentence. Maybe instead of
"I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked at Brian. His arms hung at his sides."

You could do:

"I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked at Brian, his arms hung at his sides."

It would still have the same word count.... but you could also leave it. I am perhaps overthinking it.

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strawman
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Re: Back to School

Post by strawman » Mon Sep 09, 2013 10:51 pm

I've heard of phantom limbs, but they're usually your own. :wink:
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
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Varda
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Re: Back to School

Post by Varda » Tue Sep 10, 2013 12:33 am

I love the phrase "filled with bodies and minds". Maybe it's just my sick and twisted side, but "filled with bodies" immediately set the mood and put me in a horror frame of mind. I pictured metaphorical cadavers and brains in the school, which primed me for the ghost story in the following lines!
Medical Microfiction: Stories about Science

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gunsofchekhovia
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Re: Back to School

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Tue Sep 10, 2013 4:22 am

I love it, and I love the ending just the way it is. It gave me a bit of a chill.

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