Who's Going to Pay for That? (Tourism/Most Irritating Thing)

[gunsofchekhovia]

I wish I had been a vacuum miner like my third father. I hate this tourism job.

“Welcome to Earth,” I say. “Those bipedaling things are humans.”

I look at Kpppphtran'il, the caretaker for this sector and the highlight of my cycle. I am admiring her bulging diplopods when I hear an Earthly scream.

“PUT. THAT. DOWN,” I say. The rich brat drops the human torso from which he has just clipped off all four extrusions. “Now, moving on. The humans are a useless race. Truly, their only notable scientific discovery is a delicious foodstuff they call a 'Big Mac.'”

[Varda]

You brought the Big Mac back! I suppose this means it really IS an Earth invention, and not some alien horror? Ah, well... leave it to humanity to call forth such an abomination.

Love the language of this piece, particularly "bipedaling" and "extrusions" to describe our funky limbs. Poor, poor guy at the end. Definitely has a humor/horror vibe, which is the intersection where I live.

[chemistryguy]

You had a lot of fun with this one. I like it

[strawman]

Mmmmmmmm.
Bulging diplopods!
Did anyone else need to take a cold shower?

[gunsofchekhovia]

Thank you, folks!

Varda, I did call it a "discovery" rather than an "invention." But it does seem to only afflict Earth... for now. I'm glad you enjoyed my word choice. I originally called the humans "those little bipedal things bipedaling around," but I had to sacrifice most of that to get it into 100 words.

chemistryguy, I sure did. Writing this one was all fun. I'm glad that came through in the reading.

strawman, Just wait 'til you get a look at what's under that exoskeleton.