Doubt At Your Own Risk

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Bejami
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Doubt At Your Own Risk

Post by Bejami »

“Do you mean to tell me, Mr. Jensen, that you are suing the defendant, Madame Clemma, because she sold you something that worked?”

“Yes, your honor, I am.”

“Tell me why I shouldn't throw your case out this minute.”

“How was I supposed to know this Voodoo stuff was real--”

“Hoodoo,” the defendant said

“All I wanted was a spooky looking nicknack so my son would think I was cool. He wasn't supposed to be able to use it. That woman should be responsible for Miss Woodson's death. Not me or my son.”
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Cwpants
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Re: Doubt At Your Own Risk

Post by Cwpants »

Hiya, Benjami!

I think you have a good starting idea. But I feel like this Drabble is missing something. That "Aha!" moment, satisfying twist/development, humorous summary...or even "punch line" at the end that many Drabbles seem to possess. I think the judge's quote might do well, with a little more tinkering to pack a greater punch, if you placed it at the end and then formatted everything leading to it to build up to the funny revelation. Great potential here!

Forgive my rambling...I've just consumed copious amounts of coffee to stay awake for homework. I hope this all makes sense :P
C.W. Pants

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
― Stephen King, On Writing
Bejami
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Re: Doubt At Your Own Risk

Post by Bejami »

Thanks for the suggestion. This work any better?



“How was I supposed to know this Voodoo stuff was real--” Craig Jensen started.

“Hoodoo,” the defendant corrected.

“I went into her shop on a lark. All I wanted was a spooky looking nicknack my son would think was cool. He wasn't supposed to be able to use it. We don't believe that stuff. That woman should be held responsible for Miss Woodson's death. Not me or my son.”

The judge stopped him. “Do you mean to tell me, Mr. Jensen, that you are suing the defendant, Madame Clemma, because she sold you something that worked?”
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Cwpants
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Re: Doubt At Your Own Risk

Post by Cwpants »

Well...I'm just me, not an expert...but, yes! I like it better already!
C.W. Pants

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
― Stephen King, On Writing
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Varda
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Re: Doubt At Your Own Risk

Post by Varda »

Cwpants wrote: Forgive my rambling...I've just consumed copious amounts of coffee to stay awake for homework. I hope this all makes sense :P
I can see you live in Varda-ville, mentally if not geographically. :wink: The only difference is that I get up early to attack the homework. I'm one of those creepy morning people that everyone generally despises.

Bejami, I think the second version of your drabble is much stronger! Good 2nd drafting there.
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