Making New Friends (Simulation Theme)

[Varda]

Nolan had friends. Nolan had loads of friends. 1,224, to be exact.

Whenever he threw parties, he invited all 1,224 of them and received 1,224 RSVPs.

Of course, this always meant one hell of a grocery run. It took Nolan three trips to schlep all the 2-liters of Shasta, cocktail wieners, and pizza bites home in his hatchback.

8PM came and went, but nobody showed.

Later, Nolan brooded over his Facebook list of 1,224 disappointments.

Oh, well. Time to make new friends.

He clicked the “new account” button and got to work on Friend# 1,225. Maybe this one wouldn’t disappoint.

[Cwpants]

Poor, strange Nolan....

I like it! Creepy

[gunsofchekhovia]

I love it, Varda. I've got some online friends with whom I feel closer than most of the people I know in "real life." As far as I can tell, they are all actual people, but I guess you never know.

[strawman]

Facebook needs a friend rating system.

If they don't do it, I may start a competitor and call it call it "Friendbook". The difference would be that you grade all your friends from 1 to 10 based on how good a friend they are. Your cumulative score average is used to weigh your own votes, so if most of your 'friends' think you are a jerk, your vote counts 1/10th of what it would be worth if your 'friends' thought you were great.

Also, it would be totally okay to send people things to influence their opinion of you, just like life. Not the stupid sticker stuff Facebook has. Boats and cars. Trips to Europe.

Also, people with the lowest scores would be sent to personality reformation camps run by Dale Carnegie and the Church of Scientology. To win friends and influence people, you need serious swag, plus a strong incentive not to be disliked.

And you better damn well come to Nolan's party.

[chemistryguy]

Facebook needs a friend rating system.

If they don't do it, I may start a competitor and call it call it "Friendbook". The difference would be that you grade all your friends from 1 to 10 based on how good a friend they are. Your cumulative score average is used to weigh your own votes, so if most of your 'friends' think you are a jerk, your vote counts 1/10th of what it would be worth if your 'friends' thought you were great.

Also, it would be totally okay to send people things to influence their opinion of you, just like life. Not the stupid sticker stuff Facebook has. Boats and cars. Trips to Europe.

Also, people with the lowest scores would be sent to personality reformation camps run by Dale Carnegie and the Church of Scientology. To win friends and influence people, you need serious swag, plus a strong incentive not to be disliked.

And you better damn well come to Nolan's party.

There's so much Like here I don't know where to begin

[Varda]

Facebook needs a friend rating system.

If they don't do it, I may start a competitor and call it call it "Friendbook". The difference would be that you grade all your friends from 1 to 10 based on how good a friend they are. Your cumulative score average is used to weigh your own votes, so if most of your 'friends' think you are a jerk, your vote counts 1/10th of what it would be worth if your 'friends' thought you were great.

Also, it would be totally okay to send people things to influence their opinion of you, just like life. Not the stupid sticker stuff Facebook has. Boats and cars. Trips to Europe.

Also, people with the lowest scores would be sent to personality reformation camps run by Dale Carnegie and the Church of Scientology. To win friends and influence people, you need serious swag, plus a strong incentive not to be disliked.

And you better damn well come to Nolan's party.

There's so much Like here I don't know where to begin

Seconded!

Now, anyone want to help me drink all this Shasta?

[MonsieurMoustache]

Fantastic work, Vard. But if I'd the computer for Facebook, I'd just type phrases like "We are the bestest of besties" into word and right-click speech - loop. No need for all that carpel-tunnel syndrome.

Either that or join myspace. You'd be totally alone, but at least you'd have Tom.