Serial Killer Terrorizes City

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Cwpants
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Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by Cwpants » Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:56 pm

Edited per suggestion. Thank you!!

“I asked him to stop. He didn’t listen, sir.”

“When he continued, you followed modus operandi?”

“I did, Elder Drear. I bared my teeth and attempted to cast intimidation. He persisted.”

“Please, Luna, tell the council what happened next.”

“The door behind him was the only way out of the nightclub’s restroom. He had a blade trained on my heart. I did what I had to. I tore out his throat.”

“Did you drink from him, child?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you severed the brainstem before dumping the body?”

“Well....”

"Answer me, girl."

"No, Sir. I did not."

“A fatal error.”
C.W. Pants

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
― Stephen King, On Writing

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Flintknapper
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Re: CHANNEL 3 BREAKING NEWS: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by Flintknapper » Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:21 pm

Strange. I am ususally not a big dialogue only fan, but in this case, I would work with it to get rid of Luna lowering eyes in shame and make it dialogue only.

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Cwpants
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Re: CHANNEL 3 BREAKING NEWS: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by Cwpants » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:06 pm

Flintknapper wrote:Strange. I am ususally not a big dialogue only fan, but in this case, I would work with it to get rid of Luna lowering eyes in shame and make it dialogue only.
Thanks for the suggestion! I've worked the eliminate those words and make the story dialogue only. You were definitely correct!
C.W. Pants

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
― Stephen King, On Writing

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strawman
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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by strawman » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:17 pm

I plead ignorance (obviously, I would not last a minute in this restroom): Why is it a fatal error not to sever the brainstem?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Cwpants
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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by Cwpants » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:22 pm

Hmmm...I got rid of the original title because I thought it was hokey but perhaps it made that clearer.

The original title read:

CHANNEL 3 BREAKING NEWS: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

This young, inexperienced vampire attacked her would-be assailant and inadvertently turned him into a vampire. He proceeds to terrorize the city with his new found powers and his already violent inclinations. Keeping his body intact allows him to turn. In my teeny tiny pretend vampire universe.
C.W. Pants

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
― Stephen King, On Writing

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strawman
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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by strawman » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:49 pm

When it comes to vampires, I have not read the literature or followed the TV shows. This moderator is like the Japanese soldier just emerging from the Okinawa cave.

A smart ignorant person just keeps his mouth shut, but this is me.

So, in terms of interior logic, the "Fatal error" part doesn't make sense. The Elder is a fellow vampire, no? Is there some vampire taboo that discourages creating more vampires?

Or is it just a mistake to be talking about interior logic here? :)
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Flintknapper
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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by Flintknapper » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:53 pm

Yeah... I think it reads much better as dialogue only in this case. There was a contest last month at bartleby snopes for dialogue only pieces. It is a fun idea. It isn't one that I think is that successful but in a small flash fiction piece it can be good. It also works well in audio if you have two voice actors do the part.

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Cwpants
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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by Cwpants » Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:12 pm

strawman wrote:.
So, in terms of interior logic, the "Fatal error" part doesn't make sense. The Elder is a fellow vampire, no? Is there some vampire taboo that discourages creating more vampires?

Or is it just a mistake to be talking about interior logic here? :)
Good question. I guess I imagine the counsel is blaming her for the rampage the killer is going on. "Fatal" could be translated many ways.

1) he is killing many humans. (Fatal to humans)
2) he is putting the tenuous arrangement (maybe peace, maybe ignorance) between humans and vampires at risk. (Fatal to vampires)
3) perhaps Luna is even at risk of severe punishment from the counsel. (Fatal to Luna)

In my story, I am sure of the first two. I care for Luna and hate to imagine the third.
C.W. Pants

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
― Stephen King, On Writing

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strawman
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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by strawman » Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:31 pm

Strange as this thread is, it does illustrate the absolute importance of cultural frame of reference.

Max Schreck... Bella Lugosi... Lon Cheney... Dick Cheney... Robert Pattinson...????
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Cwpants
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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by Cwpants » Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:49 pm

strawman wrote:Strange as this thread is, it does illustrate the absolute importance of cultural frame of reference.

Max Schreck... Bella Lugosi... Lon Cheney... Dick Cheney... Robert Pattinson...????
LOLZ @ Dick Cheney
Shudders @ Robert Pattenson

You are absolutely right! There are so many different "versions" of vampires not only between cultures and time periods, but authors also create their own unique worlds and rules when they tackle the subject. It really is fascinating.
C.W. Pants

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
― Stephen King, On Writing

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Re: Serial Killer Terrorizes City

Post by zcarter80 » Wed Oct 16, 2013 8:44 am

Guess who gets to record this one!
If I wrote it you can read it unless you sound like Fran Drescher.

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