I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Angelastic
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I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Angelastic » Sun Nov 24, 2013 10:08 pm

“I… I th… thought you’d left,” I stammered.

“I came back,” he replied nonchalantly. “It’s not as if I died.” He looked at me accusingly.

“Well, I…”

Such lively eyes staring at me from a deathly face were unnerving. I gave in, and went to get some textbooks.

“Let’s work on something together,” he suggested. “My brain is open.” Indeed it was, but I tried not to look.

Uncertain though I was about the feasibility of living and undead working together, I could not refuse his offer of collaboration. And that’s how I got a late Erdős number of one.


(Hi! I'm new here. I hope I'm doing this the right way. This is my first drabble, after my nemesis, who is around here somewhere, probably with some kind of coloured title as a code name, introduced me to the Drabblecast a year or so ago. It requires some explanation for anyone who doesn't know about Erdős. In 100 words:

Paul Erdős was a prolific mathematician who so often appeared on people's doorsteps announcing 'my brain is open', co-authored a paper with them, and moved on, that people came up with the Erdős Number to measure collaboration distance to him, a number of 1 meaning you'd co-written a paper with him, 2 meaning you'd co-written a paper with someone who had Erdős Number 1, and so on. Also, he had some interesting linguistic quirks, such as saying people who died had 'left' and people who stopped doing mathematics had 'died'. He 'left' in 1996.

It's explained a little bit more on my blog, but I bet as a first-time poster I won't be able to link to that. In case you're wondering, 'th… thought' is one word.)

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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Sun Nov 24, 2013 11:36 pm

Hmm. A mathematician zombie... Some might argue that's redundant. :)

Kudos for the attempt and the concept, but if a story needs an author's note longer than it is, to be understood, then the story is not quite a story.

The actual drabble was a little coy, had us guessing too long and ran out of words.
The start was close to a "Mime conversation", IMO.

The 1st 3 paragraphs look particularly verbose for their info payload. Condense! For example (a crappy one, slapped out in 3 minutes, to be sure):

"Oh shit!" I blurted.

"Relax, I'm here to work." he replied, extending a very pale hand to shake.

...
You get the idea, that's 9 fewer words and, I think, more relevant information.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway, sorry to be criticizing this story. I wouldn't do it if it didn't show promise.

Strawman will probably be along, in a bit, to blow sunshine around. So, it shouldn't be all harsh.

Welcome aboard!

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Varda
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Varda » Sun Nov 24, 2013 11:43 pm

Well, dang, now you've got me wondering who your nemesis is! Dr. Banzai? Monsieur Moustache? Who's going to take credit for the newcomer? If you guys don't claim him/her, then I'll be the nemesis! :twisted:

Anyway, welcome to the forums, Angeltastic! Thanks for the explanation about Erdos. He definitely sounds like a drabble-worthy fellow (also, the kind of guy who MUST have been featured on XKCD at some point in time. If not, then someone should tell Randall Munroe about him ASAP, because awesome!).
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Sun Nov 24, 2013 11:51 pm

Forgot to add: Props for the Jonathan Coulton reference. :) (Where's that thumbs-up smiley?)

Angelastic
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Angelastic » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:04 am

Yay, criticism! I was quite aware that it would be silly for the author's note to be longer than the story, which is why I made sure I got everything you needed to know into 100 words (the rest is essentially just me saying hello. Hello!)

There are definitely things that could be condensed or could have extra information added; I actually bulked this up from about 70 words in the beginning (though I did add some extra content with that.) But the first 3 paragraphs couldn't be condensed in quite the way you suggest, as they need to use the misleading Erdősian meanings of 'left' and 'died' so that (for those who know about Erdős, who are really the intended audience) there's sort of a reveal at the end. That (and the eventual pondering about which one of them we should consider undead) was what I wrote the story for. Thanks for the link about mime conversation. For such a short story, it's surprisingly difficult to figure out the best time/way to stop making people guess. I'll get better at it! :)

I'll go to bed now, and hope to awake to some straw-blown sunshine.

Oh look, some props already! :D I was hoping somebody would notice the Coulton reference.

There is indeed an xkcd about Erdős, which I'd forgotten about when I wrote the drabble. My nemesis is not one of the users mentioned (he's likely a Mr. with a colour in his name, but I'm not sure which), though as it happens, I have previously been in the same room with him, Jonathan Coulton and Randall Munroe, and nobody even died.

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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by gunsofchekhovia » Mon Nov 25, 2013 1:55 am

Fantastic, and welcome, Angelastic. I was intrigued by the JoCo reference as well. As for Erdos, I imagine we could've Googled him and obviated the need for an author's note at all. Of course that would require us to get on the Internet, which is a pain.

Anyway, again, welcome, and keep up the good work!

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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by strawman » Mon Nov 25, 2013 4:25 am

Smaller_n.jpg
Whoosh!
Smaller_n.jpg (18.38 KiB) Viewed 3058 times
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

Angelastic
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Angelastic » Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:47 am

Is that… sonshine?

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ROU Killing Time
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:13 pm

It's grand sonshine.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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Varda
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Varda » Mon Nov 25, 2013 1:23 pm

D'AWWWWW! :D

Strawman just dropped a cute-nuke on this thread.

The munchkin needs an official unofficial nickname around here, and perhaps a sock puppet. I feel like he'd be the ultimate troll-hammer.
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:42 pm

Or the ultimate "like" meme.

The very cosmic antithesis of Grumpy Cat.

I vote that :) be reprogrammed to generate this pic!
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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Varda
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Varda » Mon Nov 25, 2013 3:24 pm

ROU Killing Time wrote:Or the ultimate "like" meme.

The very cosmic antithesis of Grumpy Cat.

I vote that :) be reprogrammed to generate this pic!
Seconded!

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Angelastic
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by Angelastic » Mon Nov 25, 2013 7:41 pm

Not that a bed (four poster) like me has the right to vote, but thirded.Image

Redundant spoiler for attachment:
Spoiler:
strawbabysmiley.gif
strawbabysmiley.gif (1.11 KiB) Viewed 3025 times

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strawman
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Re: I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me.

Post by strawman » Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:50 pm

Grandson going viral.
What'll I tell his parents?
-Sorry, son, the Singularity got him.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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