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Parbell Plays Too Rough [Category: Things We Made]

Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 1:22 pm
by Horrorshow
The surgeon drove Parbell home to an empty house.

“Your parents must still be working the carnival.”

“Will my new body work as well as the old one, doktor?”

“The carnival closes shortly. You’ll be with your own kind soon.”

“My family’s already here. They hide in the house.”

“Please get out of the car, Parbell.”

“They say I play too rough but all I want is to love them.”

“Get out of the car! I have to get back to the hospital before…”

In an uncanny instant, the vehicle was surrounded by mechanical clowns holding flaming torches and jerrycans.

Re: Parbell Plays Too Rough [Category: Things We Made]

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 7:56 am
by Readerofmuch
I like the concept, but I wish it were more visible. It's hidden here and difficult to understand. The ending I like, though it is very blunt.

Re: Parbell Plays Too Rough [Category: Things We Made]

Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 8:08 pm
by Horrorshow
Readerofmuch wrote:I like the concept, but I wish it were more visible. It's hidden here and difficult to understand. The ending I like, though it is very blunt.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Readerofmuch. I appreciate the feedback.

The original version of this story is slightly longer and perhaps more effective. I'm content with the one hundred word rendering though. I think it makes you wonder about the nightmarish world it is set in.

Re: Parbell Plays Too Rough [Category: Things We Made]

Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 1:08 pm
by Horrorshow
Bump for the new September categories. :idea:

:arrow: Category: Things We Made