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Sympathy for a Clown, Part 2: Epidrabble

Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 1:33 am
by ROU Killing Time
Bobby's mother always warned him not to swallow his chewing gum.

Now he knew why.

Half way home from the grocery store he gulped down the now flavorless wad of gum, regretting immediately the decision.

He ducked into a Fastmart, his stomach pulsing like Jiffy-Pop as the gumballs divided.

The features on his face froze in a comical rictus.

His chest swelled and his plumbing was replaced with steel and gears.

He saw the words in the store window, backwards but easy enough to read, across his belly in jolly letters.

"Get a Gumball from Gummy the Clown, 25 cents!"

Re: Sympathy for a Clown, Part 2. An Epidrabble

Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 2:08 am
by strawman
ROU Killing Time wrote: Ducking into a Fastmart his stomach swelled, pulsing like Jiffy-Pop as the gumballs divided.
C'mon, I still haven't recovered from the last possession. Is Miss Grimsley being conjured?
Writers should be required to obtain a license authorizing them to begin sentences with gerunds. They take hairpin turns at high speed: the sentence rarely survives the maneuver. And here you have done a [i]twofer[/i]! With the unfortunate result of a ducking stomach. :?:

Made much worse by the fact that the drabble is a goodun.

Re: Sympathy for a Clown, Part 2. An Epidrabble

Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 2:12 am
by ROU Killing Time
strawman wrote:
ROU Killing Time wrote: Ducking into a Fastmart his stomach swelled, pulsing like Jiffy-Pop as the gumballs divided.
C'mon, I still haven't recovered from the last possession. Is Miss Grimsley being conjured?
Writers should be required to obtain a license authorizing them to begin sentences with gerunds. They take hairpin turns at high speed: the sentence rarely survives the maneuver. And here you have done a [i]twofer[/i]! With the unfortunate result of a ducking stomach. :?:

Made much worse by the fact that the drabble is a goodun.
He ducked into a Fastmart, his stomach pulsing like Jiffy-Pop as the gumballs divided.

Better?

(Sorry about the wear and tear on your immortal soul, but hey, ever drabbler needs a Miss Grimsley in their life...)

PS, no editing the bad grammer in the above apology allowed... I get to be slopping in response posts, imo...

Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 2:22 am
by strawman
Like polishing a diamond.