To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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Time for bed

Poll ended at Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:25 am

ROU, Go get some sleep
0
No votes
You look tired, ROU
0
No votes
I think ROU needs to get some rest
1
100%
 
Total votes: 1

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ROU Killing Time
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To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Post by ROU Killing Time » Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:59 am

"VERSION 2"

In the mirror I see myself, a Dream Guardian.

I hear his thoughts, I see his dreams, I know his Nightmare.

The older soldiers in my unit have been telling me to chill out.

"Daytime is rest time, make the best of it before we have to hit the sheets and defend the innocents."

Wakefulness brings me no comfort.

I sense them, crouching, lurking, hidden.

When asleep the Terrors must face me. but here during the day its become my habit to avoid looking in mirrors.

I fear I'll turn to face my reflection and find the Terrors approaching me.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



"VERSION 1"
I'm weary, so very weary.

My thoughts race at red-line speeds from the fatigue.

The older soldiers in my unit have been telling me to chill out.

"Daytime is rest time, make the best of it before we have to hit the sheets and defend the innocents."

Lately, even wakefulness brings me no comfort.

I can feel them, out there somewhere, crouching, breathing.

When I sleep the terrors must face me, but here during the day its become my habit to avoid looking in mirrors.

I fear I'll turn to face my reflection and find the terrors advancing on me.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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Mr. Tweedy
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Re: To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:31 am

Good idea, but too vaguely explained. I only get it because the idea was discussed on the forums recently, otherwise I'd have no idea what "hit the sheets" meant.

Skip the bit about how weary he is and how his thoughts race and replace it with a more direct description of his job. You could probably also imply a specific reason why mirrors freak him out: I'm not sure why he'd be more afraid of a mirror than of (for instance) dark corners, or of looking in people's eyes. There's nothing inherently nightmare-ish about a mirror.
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ROU Killing Time
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Re: To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Post by ROU Killing Time » Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:34 am

Shall take this under advisement upon awakening, though I'll probably file this version away for "Nightmare War" the short story, as "Perchance to Dream" already explains most of it.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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ROU Killing Time
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Re: To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Post by ROU Killing Time » Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:03 am

Something like that, Mr.Tweedy?

btw, I think you were 100 percent correct. Thank you for the input.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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