Page 1 of 1

To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 5:59 am
by ROU Killing Time
"VERSION 2"

In the mirror I see myself, a Dream Guardian.

I hear his thoughts, I see his dreams, I know his Nightmare.

The older soldiers in my unit have been telling me to chill out.

"Daytime is rest time, make the best of it before we have to hit the sheets and defend the innocents."

Wakefulness brings me no comfort.

I sense them, crouching, lurking, hidden.

When asleep the Terrors must face me. but here during the day its become my habit to avoid looking in mirrors.

I fear I'll turn to face my reflection and find the Terrors approaching me.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



"VERSION 1"
I'm weary, so very weary.

My thoughts race at red-line speeds from the fatigue.

The older soldiers in my unit have been telling me to chill out.

"Daytime is rest time, make the best of it before we have to hit the sheets and defend the innocents."

Lately, even wakefulness brings me no comfort.

I can feel them, out there somewhere, crouching, breathing.

When I sleep the terrors must face me, but here during the day its become my habit to avoid looking in mirrors.

I fear I'll turn to face my reflection and find the terrors advancing on me.

Re: To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:31 am
by Mr. Tweedy
Good idea, but too vaguely explained. I only get it because the idea was discussed on the forums recently, otherwise I'd have no idea what "hit the sheets" meant.

Skip the bit about how weary he is and how his thoughts race and replace it with a more direct description of his job. You could probably also imply a specific reason why mirrors freak him out: I'm not sure why he'd be more afraid of a mirror than of (for instance) dark corners, or of looking in people's eyes. There's nothing inherently nightmare-ish about a mirror.

Re: To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:34 am
by ROU Killing Time
Shall take this under advisement upon awakening, though I'll probably file this version away for "Nightmare War" the short story, as "Perchance to Dream" already explains most of it.

Re: To Sleep: A Nightmare War Drabble

Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:03 am
by ROU Killing Time
Something like that, Mr.Tweedy?

btw, I think you were 100 percent correct. Thank you for the input.