The Beast

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
Post Reply
Digitalsatyr
Member
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 3:30 am

The Beast

Post by Digitalsatyr » Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:55 pm

The Beast

I ran out into the woods, my heart racing; adrenaline pumping through my veins. I ducked behind a pine tree, its branches too far above me to grab or climb. Pressing my back against the soft moss, I tried to keep myself quiet and to listen for its approach. A branch snapped, and I could hear it’s breath, quick and excited; enjoying the hunt. Slowly, I leaned out my head to get a glimpse of my pursuer, if only to gauge the distance. It charged; knocked me onto my back and I felt the loving lick of my chocolate Labrador.

User avatar
ROU Killing Time
Notorious Forum Hog
Posts: 4253
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:07 pm
Location: Portland, OR

Re: The Beast

Post by ROU Killing Time » Thu Sep 17, 2009 6:03 pm

Reminds me of my boxer, Murphy.

"The stranger swaggered into town, his semi-colon dangling from its holster..."

In the last line, I would probably have used commas, though I don't have a reason why.

I'm not an expert on semi-colon's but it could also be written with a parenthetical.

"It charged, knocking me onto my back, and I felt the loving lick of my chocolate Labrador."

(I may get sent to the corner by Miss Grimsley for the gerund though.)

I'm not saying your version is wrong, I'm just hazy on where semi-colon's are appropriate vs using commas to separate the phrases.

Anyone care to comment on the proper use of semicolons in a sentence? I'm not being snarky. At the risk of exposing my ignorance on the topic, I just want to know.

Oh, by the way, welcome to the DC forums, stranger... :-)
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

Digitalsatyr
Member
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 3:30 am

Re: The Beast

Post by Digitalsatyr » Fri Sep 18, 2009 1:18 am

Thank you! No worries on my account, I appreciate any and all criticism for anything I write. I figured the use of the semi-colon would be appropriate as a change of tone, however I can see the point you make about a comma being used as well. I would also like clarification if possible.

Also my brother has a boxer, and although he's my favorite dog to date, I thought a Labrador went along with the imagery in my head.

User avatar
ROU Killing Time
Notorious Forum Hog
Posts: 4253
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:07 pm
Location: Portland, OR

Re: The Beast

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:08 am

Oh, I've known more than a few labs of all flavors and varieties. Certainly an excellent candidate for a believable Dino-effect. YapYapYapYap :-)

Ok, Miss Grimsley. That's two students that would like a ruling on the semi-colon.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

User avatar
strawman
Member
Posts: 5966
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 2:20 pm
Location: South Georgia

Re: The Beast

Post by strawman » Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:30 am

ROU, you read Miss Grimsley's obituary last week. A ruling may be delayed until she rises with the zombie horde. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DELIVER HER EULOGY.
Only God can save you now.

o wait, you don't believe.
guess you're screwed.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

User avatar
ROU Killing Time
Notorious Forum Hog
Posts: 4253
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:07 pm
Location: Portland, OR

Re: The Beast

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:52 am

strawman wrote:ROU, you read Miss Grimsley's obituary last week. A ruling may be delayed until she rises with the zombie horde. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DELIVER HER EULOGY.
Only God can save you now.

o wait, you don't believe.
guess you're screwed.
Did I say I didn't believe? I don't think I said that. I mean, I'm pretty sure I didn't say I did believe, but that doesn't rule out, necessarily, me saying I do or don't believe, or not believe, as the case may be.

Was that clear?
_____________

A Eulogy for Miss Grimsley (of no particular word length whatsoever...)

What can anyone say about Miss Dorothea Grimsley that really captures her essence.

I'm not sure anyone can do the woman justice, I know I can't

Miss Grimsley was like a festering sore to me. An aching, seeping, yay oozing pustule of grammatical acumen. A woman of diabolical wit and predilections, I shall always remember her when I'm taking a shower in the morning... in my wet-suit.

So, fair thee well, foul maiden, may you rot in pieces, my sickly sweet and rotten to the core, Dorothea Grimsley.

Amen

___________________
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

User avatar
Phenopath
Member
Posts: 1059
Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2009 4:05 pm

Re: The Beast

Post by Phenopath » Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:13 am

Miss Grimsley does not need a eulogy, she needs a bloody exorcism.

Personally I love semi-colons and use them wherever possible
Phenopath's Story Archive
The Dribblecast, we don't care if you sound like an idiot.

User avatar
ROU Killing Time
Notorious Forum Hog
Posts: 4253
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:07 pm
Location: Portland, OR

Re: The Beast

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:19 am

Phenopath wrote:Miss Grimsley does not need a eulogy, she needs a bloody exorcism.

Personally I love semi-colons and use them wherever possible
Well, then I guess I shall now go and re-peruse your drabbles; looking for instances of clever semi-colon usage...

p.s. was that eulogy fitting, Strawman?
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

User avatar
strawman
Member
Posts: 5966
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2007 2:20 pm
Location: South Georgia

Re: The Beast

Post by strawman » Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:43 pm

It made me blow my nose, ROU.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

Digitalsatyr
Member
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 3:30 am

Re: The Beast

Post by Digitalsatyr » Fri Sep 18, 2009 7:56 pm

A tear to the eyes ROU. It was beautiful.

User avatar
ROU Killing Time
Notorious Forum Hog
Posts: 4253
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:07 pm
Location: Portland, OR

Re: The Beast

Post by ROU Killing Time » Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:29 pm

I wonder if anyone bothered to run it through a word counter.
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

User avatar
tbaker2500
Site Admin
Posts: 3612
Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 7:03 pm
Location: West Lafayette, IN
Contact:

Re: The Beast

Post by tbaker2500 » Sun Sep 20, 2009 5:34 am

Digitalsatyr wrote:The Beast

I ran out into the woods, my heart racing; adrenaline pumping through my veins. I ducked behind a pine tree, its branches too far above me to grab or climb. Pressing my back against the soft moss, I tried to keep myself quiet and to listen for its approach. A branch snapped, and I could hear it’s breath, quick and excited; enjoying the hunt. Slowly, I leaned out my head to get a glimpse of my pursuer, if only to gauge the distance. It charged; knocked me onto my back and I felt the loving lick of my chocolate Labrador.
Hee hee, very nice. Welcome to the forums, Digi.
You're my quasi-ichthian angel, you're my half-amphibian queen...

The Dribblecast, we don't care if you sound like an idiot.

User avatar
m_a_kelly
Member
Posts: 128
Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2009 6:03 am
Location: Largo, Florida

Re: The Beast

Post by m_a_kelly » Mon Sep 21, 2009 12:24 pm

Digitalsatyr wrote:The Beast

I ran out into the woods, my heart racing; adrenaline pumping through my veins. I ducked behind a pine tree, its branches too far above me to grab or climb. Pressing my back against the soft moss, I tried to keep myself quiet and to listen for its approach. A branch snapped, and I could hear it’s breath, quick and excited; enjoying the hunt. Slowly, I leaned out my head to get a glimpse of my pursuer, if only to gauge the distance. It charged; knocked me onto my back and I felt the loving lick of my chocolate Labrador.
Great drabble!
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh, shit! She's awake!"

http://identifiedflyinglenticulars.blogspot.com/

User avatar
revsleestaxx
Member
Posts: 188
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:17 pm
Location: Buzzard Breath Wy
Contact:

Re: The Beast

Post by revsleestaxx » Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:52 pm

nice ending. i too have been hunted by the family beast.
The Reverend's Razor
"If you don't know where it is, you don't know where it's not."

FeedBooks = http://www.feedbooks.com/userbooks/rece ... user=37332" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Post Reply