Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

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ROU Killing Time
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Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:09 am

“I hate you, Toshie. I always have.” she screamed across the room.

“I don't understand why. What have I ever done to you? I've always been here for you.”

“Because you're stupid and vain. You think that you're so much better, so much prettier than me.”

“That's so not true. I love you,” Toshie answered in sadness.

“Liar!” she screamed, hurling her hairbrush at Toshie's face, and with a crash she shattered into countless, jagged pieces to the ground.

In the mirror, her lonely reflection cried, and mourned the one who could never be replaced.
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Re: Toshie's War

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:18 am

Huwwuh?

Is this a girl screaming at her reflection, attacking it and then shattering herself (not the mirror)?

Split personalities?

One thing's clear: If you shatter on the impact of a thrown hairbrush, you pretty much weren't long for this world, anyway. :wink:

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Re: Toshie's War

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:25 am

The "huwwuh" is the intended response. I won't engage in self-deconstruction at this point until more people chime in.
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Re: Toshie's War

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:31 am

ROU Killing Time wrote:The "huwwuh" is the intended response. I won't engage in self-deconstruction at this point until more people chime in.
OK, even if I say so myself, that was a pretty freakin witty response.

No it wasn't, you pretentious bastard!
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Re: Toshie's War

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:36 am

Oh dear, he's mumbling to himself... And that facial tick...

Just back away dear. I've got animal control and "Eyewitness News" on speed dial.

You think he's dangerous? He's already written a violent attack.

Possibly. He's certainly beaked up on SOMETHING.
:)

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Re: Toshie's War

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:44 am

Algernon Sydney is Dead wrote:Oh dear, he's mumbling to himself... And that facial tick...

Just back away dear. I've got animal control and "Eyewitness News" on speed dial.

You think he's dangerous? He's already written a violent attack.

Possibly. He's certainly beaked up on SOMETHING.
:)
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Re: Toshie's War

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:50 am

He went on a hiatus that lasted all of 15 minutes and then came back as 4 people. Isn't there something in Revelation about that?
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Re: Toshie's War

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:54 am

Mr. Tweedy wrote:He went on a hiatus that lasted all of 15 minutes and then came back as 4 people. Isn't there something in Revelation about that?
Hey, I just came back as two people, Mr.Dead upped it to four.
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Re: Toshie's War

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 8:53 am

Algernon Sydney is Dead wrote: Possibly. He's certainly beaked up on SOMETHING.
:)
Actually, this is me beaked up on absolutely nothing at all. However, I'll have my lithium again on December 2nd (or 3rd, I have to check my appointment card.)

Two weeks to get back to a therapeutic amount in my blood stream should see me leveling out.

One of the great dangers of bipolar disorder is a fascination with the ascent and a tendency to resist anything that gets in the way of that ascent, but (counts on fingers, and more toes than I have on my right foot) 17 years of it has left me feeling it's basically a pain in the ass. (Oh, oh, I left myself wide open with that one, didn't II?)

But, you mentioned a passing familiarity with bipolar disorder, so I'm sure I'm not saying anything you aren't aware of.

One might think it would be in the public interest not to have it be so difficult for someone who's pretty certifiable and really WANTS to be on meds to control the problem, but, there it is. However, I do understand that medicine is a business first, and a system for maintaining the general public health a somewhat distant second.

Fortunately, I've never been the bell-tower type. I just tend to talk and write alot. I'm thankful to have the outlet here, especially in this time when when I'm cycling faster than, hmm... well something that cycles really fast.

<end of 1st-person perspective on mood disorders...>
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:41 am

The girl's name Toshie \t(o)- shie\ is pronounced Toh-SHEE-eh. It is of Japanese origin, and its meaning is "mirror reflection".
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by Phenopath » Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:43 am

Ah, you could not resist the lure of Mistress Drabble for long.

Good job, that volume of dialogue in 100 words is a bitch (as commented by Algernon in 'State(run) Farm').
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by zZzacha » Sun Nov 29, 2009 2:09 pm

Speaking as one chaotic mind to another: I totally dig the way your mind jumps.

Congrats on your 1000th post! And the 300 posts you have done since! And all that during your hiatus...
Just think of the amount of posts you could have done if you weren't on hiatus. You'd be on your 2500th post by now :P
I'll be there in 5 minutes. If not, read this again.

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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by eric_marsh » Sun Nov 29, 2009 2:52 pm

Lots of posts here, but I didn't see a good job until I got to Phenopaths.

I'll second that. It's well written with an unexpected ending. I suppose that if you wanted to really push the split personality theme you could have each of the shards responding differently but that is really unnecessary.

So once again, good job.
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by ROU Killing Time » Sun Nov 29, 2009 4:55 pm

Phenopath wrote:Ah, you could not resist the lure of Mistress Drabble for long.

Good job, that volume of dialogue in 100 words is a bitch (as commented by Algernon in 'State(run) Farm').
In the words of Comicbook guy "Worst Hiatus, Ever!"
Thanks, Pheno. Dialogue is my weakest spot, but I was inspired to try after the listening to the brilliant "Absent-minded professor" drabble. I'm glad you liked it. I'm in a state where it's very hard to look at what I do objectively, (a situation that's probably not uncommon to pretty much anyone that writes, however.)
zZzacha wrote:Speaking as one chaotic mind to another: I totally dig the way your mind jumps.

Congrats on your 1000th post! And the 300 posts you have done since! And all that during your hiatus...
Just think of the amount of posts you could have done if you weren't on hiatus. You'd be on your 2500th post by now :P
And thanks to you, Bunny-grrl. See how I'm trying to reign myself in on the count? I COULD have quoted these three posts separately... :-) Dealing with my condition, I have a love/hate relationship with how my mind words, usually being fascinated and frustrated simultaneously with what I come up with. You play it how it lays, though, and in the long run, normal is boring. (Can I get an "Amen" drabble brethren?)
eric_marsh wrote:Lots of posts here, but I didn't see a good job until I got to Phenopaths.

I'll second that. It's well written with an unexpected ending. I suppose that if you wanted to really push the split personality theme you could have each of the shards responding differently but that is really unnecessary.

So once again, good job.
Three times thanks, Eric. Interesting perspective, (the story does belong to the reader) that you see it as the mirror having shattered. My own response to it was simiiar to ASID's (that she literally shattered and the mirror and the reflection were all that was left behind. I think you're viewing of it, that the mirror shattered, has interesting, and equally valid implications. Perhaps, even that "angry-Toshie" was the reflection all the time. I like the way the ambiguos nature there came out. Thanks for pointing it out.

Now that there has been the chiming in I can engage in a little self-deconstruction.
This is of course, drawn heavily from personal experience. I could go on at length about some of my own experiences in front of the mirror, and I am in the book I'm working on. I'll save the lengthy discourse for the novel though. :-)

It is good to be back writing. In retrospect I think, perhaps, a better title for my "Hiatus" thread would have been. "Help, I've fallen into a very low trough of my rapid-cycling mood swings and could use some emotional support from my friends." That would have been a bit unwieldy as a post title though, but I do greatly appreciate all the support I've received.
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by zZzacha » Sun Nov 29, 2009 8:18 pm

ROU Killing Time wrote:And thanks to you, Bunny-grrl. See how I'm trying to reign myself in on the count? I COULD have quoted these three posts separately... :-) Dealing with my condition, I have a love/hate relationship with how my mind words, usually being fascinated and frustrated simultaneously with what I come up with. You play it how it lays, though, and in the long run, normal is boring. (Can I get an "Amen" drabble brethren?)
Amen to that, babe!

Although my mind keeps wanting to read "Norm is boring" whenever I see "Normal is boring". My initial reaction is to post a real angry answer that "No, he is NOT boring!!".
I'm glad I hardly ever get angry at people, because that reaction is just nasty.
I'll be there in 5 minutes. If not, read this again.

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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by dreamrock » Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:02 am

In one sense, I had a feeling where this was going, but in another, I was almost sure it wasn't going there at all.

The war with oneself can be the most painful one of all. This really captured that. If this really had more than one character, I'd agree that the dialogue needed work. However, it does sound like the same person arguing two points of view, and I think that's effective.
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:16 am

Apart from transferring the experience to a female character, this one is drawn pretty much completely from personal experience.

I'd agree that the war with oneself is, in fact, the most difficult battle of all. In almost any other conflict, one side or the other may choose to flee, or both sides may choose to disengage. In Toshie's case, (and in mine) that is not an option.

For several years after my diagnosis, I had to pretty much completely avoid mirrors. Hearing descriptions about full-blown hallucinations is one thing. Experiencing them is a completely different animal. I've always wondered why the hallucinatory experience only happened, in my case, when looking in the mirror. It's all been very Lewis Carol.

I'm glad I was able to convey the tone, feeling, and nature of the internal dialogue, dreamrock. To me, that makes it a successful story.

Fortunately, for me and my loved ones, my story has, thus far, had a happier ending than Toshie's.

I've always wondered why I have been so blessed in having so many people help anchor me.

This is a story about those with conditions like mine, who have not been so fortunate.

I don't know if, in a month, I'll still think this is one of my better drabbles, but for now, I feel like it is one of my more successful ones.
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by strawman » Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:12 pm

ROU Killing Time wrote: I've always wondered why I have been so blessed in having so many people help anchor me.
Used to live near Biscayne Bay, and would use a fishing rod to fly a kite over the bay. Dreamed about rigging it so a hook and line could be carried over the bay by the kite, and I'd invent a new kind of fishing. Kite Fishing. You reminded me.
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:18 pm

strawman wrote:
ROU Killing Time wrote: I've always wondered why I have been so blessed in having so many people help anchor me.
Used to live near Biscayne Bay, and would use a fishing rod to fly a kite over the bay. Dreamed about rigging it so a hook and line could be carried over the bay by the kite, and I'd invent a new kind of fishing. Kite Fishing. You reminded me.
This reminds me an episode that happened right before I had my wife drive me to the hospital for the first time, back in 1992.

After months of rapid fire ideation, near constant writing, (really, ROU, you? can't imagine...) and the culmination of the events that were chronicled in my first autographical piece, I had a crystal clear thought flash through my mind. "Oh My God... I'm psychotic!" (It's one thing to know what that word means from the outside, quite another thing to understand comletely what it means from a first person perspective.)

My first wife immediately called her aunt Laurie, one of the people who, to this day, is still one of the strongest anchors I have on earth. Serendipitously, her husband was involved in running a program for mental health education for consumers and their families, and had written a book on the subject "Pebbles in the Pond: Living with Chronic Neurobiological Disorders.*

When I explained to her as best I could that I was fixating on root metaphors and unable to control my thoughts in any way, she listened, then stopped me and assured me that "Steve, I know exactly what is happening to you, we've seen this before, and we know what you need to do right now. Try not to be frightened and put your wife back on the phone with me." She advised her to immediately drive me to the emergency room.

Some time after I was released, in one of many conversations I had with her about what I was going through, she told me about an event in Washington State where people would fly kites at night with lamps attached to them. She said it was a very inspiring event, and I should try and make it up to see it sometime, if that was ever convenient. I never did, but the image of kites flying at night illuminating the landcape below is still a pleasant one for me to visualize.

Thanks for reminding me about that.


*http://www.amazon.com/Pebbles-Pond-Chro ... 470&sr=1-2
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Re: Toshie's War (ROU's 1000th post)

Post by dreamrock » Tue Dec 01, 2009 1:44 am

I'm glad my issue with mirrors (self-loathing) is resolved and wasn't as serious as that. I don't have nearly so good a support system.

And I'm also glad to have you back at writing. :)
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