THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN: (Twabble-Drabble)

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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TheJebi
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THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN: (Twabble-Drabble)

Post by TheJebi » Thu Dec 03, 2009 11:53 pm

My ship torn apart
By a cranky infant god
I used escape pod

Avoiding my death
Was easy when compared with
Finding a new life

As I finished writing the haikus, I heard a loud, ominous voice echoing in the small escape pod cabin. It made me an offer.

"The best things in life are free, but if you don't want to die, give me your soul, and I will treat it well," Said the voice.

I remember that voice to this day. And as I watch the last star burn out, I become encompassed by the pitch black darkness.
“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”

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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by TheJebi » Fri Dec 04, 2009 4:17 am

FYI dear reader: This is a Twabble-Drabble, and each section is 100 characters, (the two haikus are 100 characters when combined.)
“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”

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Phenopath
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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by Phenopath » Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:55 pm

Hmm, I preferred CURSE OF THE TIME BENDERS.

I think perhaps this drabble suffered a little from the format. You could tease some more out of the refusal idea which was interesting; the devil/god makes an offer, it is refused and the result is eternal purgatory.
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TheJebi
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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by TheJebi » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:12 pm

Phenopath wrote:Hmm, I preferred CURSE OF THE TIME BENDERS.

I think perhaps this drabble suffered a little from the format. You could tease some more out of the refusal idea which was interesting; the devil/god makes an offer, it is refused and the result is eternal purgatory.
Ya, this one is not as easy to grasp. For instance there was no "refusal". The bargain was accepted, that is why he is still alive to see the last star burn out, and didn't die in the escape pod... he can't die, and he has no soul. But I guess since I have to explain it, it's not that good. :?

But I am pleased that my first, and only, Drabbles are Twabble-Drabbles. 8)

But I now have no will to write regular old twabbles or regular old drabbles...
“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”

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Phenopath
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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by Phenopath » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:18 pm

I have been thinking about it, and like the concept more and more. Put me down as a fan of the second half :p

I do not think that you will be able to stop. You have caught drabbleittus.
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TheJebi
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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by TheJebi » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:45 pm

Phenopath wrote:I have been thinking about it, and like the concept more and more. Put me down as a fan of the second half :p

I do not think that you will be able to stop. You have caught drabbleittus.
Yes, people do not seem to be responding well to the Twabble-Haikus, although I am quite proud of them, and for finding a way to use them that, at least in my mind, works in a Twabble-Drabble.

And I'm sure I will start to show the full symptoms of the devastating condition before very long...
“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”

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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by strawman » Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:05 pm

Twabble haikus get my thumbs up if they are good haikus. Same with twabble poetry.
Twabble drabbles, not so much. It's like climbing a mountain because it's there. Done more for the sake of the rules than for anything else. Do the twabbles stand alone? Do they stack? Too arbitrary. We need, IMO, to focus on constructions that make sense, that are well written and reworked properly. When we get good at that, then take it to another level. Just my opinion.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

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Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by TheJebi » Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:59 pm

Strawman: I agree that any writing should be the best that it can be.

But I disagree about not writing Twabble-Drabbles just because they are a very tall mountain to climb.

Why write Drabbles or Twabbles at all? Because of the rules right?
That's what makes them an interesting challenge.
And while this one may not be the best possible example, it was my first attempt, and I do think that it works okay and the Twabbles (largely) stand of their own, although not quite as much as my second Twabble-Drabble, CURSE OF THE TIME BENDERS.

But these are just the thoughts of somebody who is still relitivly new to all this... :?
“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”

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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by strawman » Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:08 am

Just my opinion. I read the 6-word short story by Hemingway, and think, hey, that's really good. Now, anyone can write a 6 word short story. It just probably won't really be any good. We've got an imaginative, competitive group here in the forum. Given that, my preference is not to see people wasting their time trying to stack 5 separate twabbles together into a drabble that makes some kind of sense. I feel the effort would be better spent doing rewrites, which I don't feel we do enough of.
On the other hand, if someone came up with a really good one, I wouldn't at all mind having a Hemingway in the forum. So like I said, just an opinion.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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TheJebi
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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN:

Post by TheJebi » Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:42 am

Strawman: I totally agree that the Twabble-Drabble is not close to being the ideal format for telling a story, very far from it, it's just too constraining.

Mine were done as a response to ROU's challenge to me and ASID, (who has not answered the challenge yet, to my knowledge... nudge ,nudge :) ) But juliasd did post one that was a collaboration between the two of them.

I just wanted to see if it could be done. 8)
“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”

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TheJebi
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Re: THE BARGAIN… I SHALL REMAIN: (Twabble-Drabble)

Post by TheJebi » Sat Dec 05, 2009 2:07 am

Added "Twabble-Drabble" to title to avert any possible confusion.
“I’m not TheJebi because I like the hum of a lightsaber in my hand… and I’m not TheJebi because I like being TheJebi. I’m TheJebi because the Galaxy needs me to be TheJebi.”

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