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Post by normsherman » Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:27 am

Dear Sir or Madam:

I bow before you.

I have in time participated in many successful efforts in businesses to acquire money. However, I now find myself in a state of awe before your countrymen, and realize that it is my humble self who needs be the student in this instance. I seek your most kind help in this endeavor.

I am referring of course to the success in acquiring from many World Banking Centers – even from the Swiss, praise God!! – vast sums which you will never pay back. I have read in many Prominent Magazines that you have gained as much as Three Trillion dollars using CDO’s, sub-prime mortgage backed securities, credit-default swaps and other devices. Beside such success, I must consider myself the most lowly-ranked amateur.

Therefore, could you please assist me at your earliest convenience to meet with any of the following: Mister Ken Lewis of the Bank of America; Mister Robert Willumstad, formerly of AIG; or Mister Stan O’Neal, formerly of the former Merrill Lynch. I would also be most joyful to meet with anyone from the Organization “Citigroup.” I understand that even now, this organization is receiving money from the Chinese through means of something called a “Treasury Bill.”

I feel that if I could dine with my eyes upon such men for even the space of a few hours, I would acquire knowledge that would allow me to be in comfort all my days.

To facilitate your expenses in arranging this meeting, I will send to you my bank account information. I realize that I am taking a risk in doing this, but I am risking only my life savings, and given your countrymen’s prowess in these matters, you will probably acquire it anyway.

With blessings,

Anawa Achebo
Lagos, Nigeria
"Give us all some Jelly"

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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Thu Jun 11, 2009 4:56 am


It doesn't technically qualify, though, since the recipient's money is never at risk. On the other hand, it would confuse the brains right out of their skull.
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Post by strawman » Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:18 pm

Dear Mr. Achebo,
Geithner's the guy you want. The other guys are strawmen. But be prepared to respond to the 3 critical test questions:
"Are you too big to fail?"
"Are you a member of the UAW?" and
"Are you the president's half brother?"
If yes, then Salaam aleikem.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"