Undead important new voting block?

Would have beena great fiction story...if it was fiction
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Which is the most valuable block of voters?

Zombies (or other undead)
5
63%
Ghosts (or other specters)
0
No votes
Cyborgs (or brains otherwise disembodied)
1
13%
Other (please specify)
2
25%
 
Total votes: 8

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Mr. Tweedy
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Undead important new voting block?

Post by Mr. Tweedy » Tue May 27, 2008 9:41 pm

While giving a campaign speech on May 26, presidential candidate Barack Obama may have accidentally tipped us off as to his secret strategy for victory:
On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes — and I see many of them in the audience here today — our sense of patriotism is particularly strong.
That's right: Obama is recruiting "fallen heroes" to his cause! This raises many questions. For instance, are Obama's followers zombies, ghosts or cyborgs?

Zombies would seem to be the most lucrative voting block, since they can so easily convert others to their cause, but zombies are generally illiterate and that might cause trouble in the voting booth.

Ghosts can't hold pens, but they can posses living voters and make them switch sides. But then you've got to worry about lawsuits later on. Talk about voter disenfranchisement!

Cyborgs, I think, are out, because they could only be a product of Big Business, which would be a blight on Obama's image if the association ever came to light.

So I'm going to tentatively theorize that Obama's talking about the zombie horde he has waiting in reserve for November. Keep watching the news for more clues!
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strawman
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Post by strawman » Wed May 28, 2008 12:49 am

Sure, it looks like zombies are inevitable, now that the MSM are all agreed the race is over, especially zombie spokesfans Keith Olberman and Chris Matthews.
But the cyborg is ahead in the popular vote, and claims she has a better chance against the ghost in November. Then she clobbered the zombie in the state of West Virginia, (the Zombie State).
I say the cyborg has more lives than Freddy Kruegger, and remember halloween is the week before the election. So don't commit too early. Some weird shit defnitly gonna happen.
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Post by bolddeceiver » Wed May 28, 2008 1:43 am

To be actually serious, I think probably the most likely actual citizenship question in the forseeable future will be machine intelligences or human intelligences digitized or canned in such a way that their legal status is questionable, so I put in the first vote for "cyborgs."
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adam
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Post by adam » Wed May 28, 2008 2:17 am

i mentioned a series of 'flash fiction' horror stories in a post a while ago about Masters of Horror. one of them- "Homecoming" was actually about zombies voting. fallen vet soldiers reanimated on memorial day, and there was havoc world wide- people were freaking out and shooting them, and it isnt till halfway through you realize the zombies haven't actually done anything- no one was eaten etc. to warrant the panic. up till this point i thought it was hilarious and well done. legal analysts are debating on human undead rights. it turns out all they want to do is vote before dying foreal, which could have been clever too but they saturate it with more flamboyant partisanship than any person could possibly stomach.


anyways, all that to say i think zombies would be the most valuable, because the government has never been able to take away a right from someone once it's been given, even if it ceases to make sense- a la social security. it's much easier to deny a right to someone who's never had it, even if it's fair- i.e. immigration policy.

http://www.tv.com/masters-of-horror/hom ... mmary.html

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Post by adam » Wed May 28, 2008 2:22 am

an interesting question would be- if zombies are granted suffrage, and cyborgs denied it... what about zomborgs (the undead reanimated through cybertronics)? i've actually had some sketches about these cross-breed curiosities in the works for a while now. i'll post something when completed.

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Post by normsherman » Wed May 28, 2008 3:07 am

adam wrote:i mentioned a series of 'flash fiction' horror stories in a post a while ago about Masters of Horror. one of them- "Homecoming" was actually about zombies voting.
http://www.tv.com/masters-of-horror/hom ... mmary.html

I thought that was maybe the worst story of the lot- but you make good points and having seen "Homecoming" I have to go with zombies here also.
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Post by bolddeceiver » Wed May 28, 2008 6:17 am

Oh, and for the record...
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Re: Undead important new voting block?

Post by Goldenrat » Wed May 28, 2008 6:34 pm

Mr. Tweedy wrote: Zombies would seem to be the most lucrative voting block, since they can so easily convert others to their cause, but zombies are generally illiterate and that might cause trouble in the voting booth.
Agreed. Zombies got my vote. Zombies could vote absentee ballot, that would keep them from causing mayhem in public voting areas. All you would need are some fearless public servants to bring ballots to the abandoned buildings or graveyards they hang out at and help them fill in the ovals with #2 pencils.

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Re: Undead important new voting block?

Post by normsherman » Wed May 28, 2008 6:54 pm

Goldenrat wrote:
Mr. Tweedy wrote: Zombies would seem to be the most lucrative voting block, since they can so easily convert others to their cause, but zombies are generally illiterate and that might cause trouble in the voting booth.
Agreed. Zombies got my vote. Zombies could vote absentee ballot, that would keep them from causing mayhem in public voting areas. All you would need are some fearless public servants to bring ballots to the abandoned buildings or graveyards they hang out at and help them fill in the ovals with #2 pencils.
Paying special attention to the elderly zombie voters of Florida this time...
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Post by strawman » Wed May 28, 2008 7:20 pm

Would Hispanic zombies beat a hanging Chad with a stick? :wink:
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Post by normsherman » Wed May 28, 2008 7:27 pm

adam wrote:an interesting question would be- if zombies are granted suffrage, and cyborgs denied it... what about zomborgs (the undead reanimated through cybertronics)? i've actually had some sketches about these cross-breed curiosities in the works for a while now. i'll post something when completed.
I'd actually be really interested to see those. I hope you'll make good use of the barren Drabbleart section.
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Post by tadmaster » Sat May 31, 2008 9:54 pm

Had to go with "Other" because you didn't cover the largest actual voting segment: the dis-embrained bodies. They outnumber all of the undead put together!

Since we can't even get behind an ID check at the polls, I know we'll never be able to institute the much needed knee/breathing tests:
"Excuse me, sir or ma'am, are you breathing through your mouth? Then you need to just go on home."

"Pardon me, sir or ma'am, are those bite-marks on your knee? They match your teeth? Then you should go."
I wouldn't have a problem with that.
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strawman
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Post by strawman » Sun Jun 01, 2008 2:44 am

If you're opening up brainless voters as a category, they always win hands down. This goes to the AI thread: most of what passes for intelligence is artificial.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

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The Assembled Undead

Post by Kevin Anderson » Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:00 am

A very thought provoking discussion here – or at least a way to kill 20 minutes on a Saturday night. Before I cast my vote I need some clarification from the judges on something.

Now in the case of a Frankenstein’s monster type Zombie specifically the kind detailed in Re-Animator and Bride of Re-Animator – the re-animated corpses were often an assemblage of several different bodies – question is does this kind of Undead (one that is assembled from say five different eligible and former tax paying American voters) get to vote five times?

I think Clive Barker’s “The Body Politic” would argue that each part should be able to cast a vote. Especially when you consider that the torso could be republican, but the limbs might have come from democrats, and maybe the head was harvested from a Libertarian.

I think it might be unreasonable to assume that composite or assemble animated corpses will create a completely unified (politically speaking) party member.

I hope I did not open up a can of maggots here.
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strawman
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Post by strawman » Sun Jun 01, 2008 12:09 pm

That is an excellent point, and also raises an amazing variety of issues, some of them constitutional:

Are the brainless undead subject to age, birthplace, and citizenship requirements to run for office?
Would Democrats seat the zombie delegation but give them only half a vote?
Wouldn't zombies vote as a 100% voting block for the zombie candidate?
Wouldn't they be intensely interested in the single-issue of aerosolized brains?
Would diversity training be required to reeducate the ignorant bigots who use racial epithets such as "That's a No-brainer"?
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

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bolddeceiver
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Post by bolddeceiver » Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:00 pm

strawman wrote: Would Democrats seat the zombie delegation but give them only half a vote?
Only if they defied the party's rules in the first place, and knew from the start that their delegation wouldn't be seated, but then they made a huge fuss--

Oh sorry, a little bitter.
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strawman
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Post by strawman » Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:48 pm

bolddeceiver wrote:
strawman wrote: Would Democrats seat the zombie delegation but give them only half a vote?
Only if they defied the party's rules in the first place, and knew from the start that their delegation wouldn't be seated, but then they made a huge fuss--

Oh sorry, a little bitter.
I suppose we could always turn to God and guns for comfort.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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