Why does God always pick such frightful prophets?

StalinSays · Post by **StalinSays** » Tue May 19, 2009 9:07 pm

http://cbs4.com/watercooler/Salami.GOD. ... 02364.html

You always kinda' hope these stories are works of parody. No such luck.

I know one of the lord's foibles is that whole 'mysterious ways' thing, but for once could he just be kind to us cynics, and manifest as words on a projector screen during a scholarly round table as opposed to a pattern of gravy stains on a Denny's menu?

Mr. Tweedy · Post by **Mr. Tweedy** » Tue May 19, 2009 11:18 pm

That's crazy.

The letters clearly spell "OOG," which everyone knows stands for "Out Of Game." This is completely logical, since that pig is, indeed, out of game.

See? There's a natural explanation for everything.

strawman · Post by **strawman** » Wed May 20, 2009 12:44 am

I think these gravy stain miracles are manifestations of Satan, to feed the cynics' appetite for mockery-ammo. I am sad to say that they are his..... straw man.

Post by **normsherman** » Wed May 20, 2009 4:19 am

Fried salami is a perfectly normal way for God to communicate-- it's in the apocrypha, do your research people.

"Now her biggest issue is deciding how to preserve the Fried Salami."

... and deep down, allegorically, isn't that really the biggest issue for all of us?

YouTube · Post by **Kevin Anderson** » Wed May 20, 2009 7:19 pm

You blasphemers can follow false prophetic fried salami all you want. I choose to walk with Cheesus.

http://www.inquisitr.com/24253/cheesus-cheeto-jesus/

Mr. Tweedy · Post by **Mr. Tweedy** » Wed May 20, 2009 7:54 pm

I was making some toast for breakfast this morning, and it popped up like this. I'm rather conflicted about what to make of it...

cammoblammo · Post by **cammoblammo** » Wed May 20, 2009 8:20 pm

Mr. Tweedy wrote:I was making some toast for breakfast this morning, and it popped up like this. I'm rather conflicted about what to make of it...

I'll go with your original thought and say 'breakfast'.

Phenopath · Post by **Phenopath** » Thu May 28, 2009 11:13 pm

I give you... Welsh Marmite Jesus

This is, I believe, the most yuck of divine culinary visitations.

Mr. Tweedy · Post by **Mr. Tweedy** » Fri May 29, 2009 5:30 pm

Um... I think they're holding it upside down.

That would be Satan.

StalinSays · Post by **StalinSays** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 8:45 pm

The king of lies is as nefarious as ever.

StalinSays · Post by **StalinSays** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:41 pm

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/s ... 95,00.html

To quell any worries that my mockery is confined only to Christendom...

I have to say this bizarro frog is a bit more visually stimulating that cheatos and fried luncheon meat.

DougallStrange · Post by **DougallStrange** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 3:24 am

I really hope that the salami at the beginig of the post wasn't pork or else Yahweh and I are going to to have problems

zZzacha · Post by **zZzacha** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:08 am

StalinSays wrote:http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/s ... 95,00.html

To quell any worries that my mockery is confined only to Christendom...

I have to say this bizarro frog is a bit more visually stimulating that cheatos and fried luncheon meat.

I think it's pretty bizarro that they keep this god-frog in a bottle...
And then they worry about the frog not eating anything?!
Although, if it really were a god-like creature, it would not have to eat anything, now would it?

StalinSays · Post by **StalinSays** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 5:49 pm

zZzacha wrote:Although, if it really were a god-like creature, it would not have to eat anything, now would it?

I supposed. Otherwise you welcome some quizzical lines of inquiry. Prime example: what is it that gods eat? Other gods?

DougallStrange · Post by **DougallStrange** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:14 am

StalinSays wrote:
zZzacha wrote:Although, if it really were a god-like creature, it would not have to eat anything, now would it?
I supposed. Otherwise you welcome some quizzical lines of inquiry. Prime example: what is it that gods eat? Other gods?

or the even more eternal question what does god need with a starship? or a glass bottle? hmmm riddle me that indian guy.

zZzacha · Post by **zZzacha** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:19 pm

StalinSays wrote:
zZzacha wrote:Although, if it really were a god-like creature, it would not have to eat anything, now would it?
I supposed. Otherwise you welcome some quizzical lines of inquiry. Prime example: what is it that gods eat? Other gods?

If I were a god, of course I would eat all other gods. No use having the rest around because one can do all the work, being all omnipotent.

I do wonder... would I start my dinner with a nice angel soup? Finishing with a pharaoh sorbet?
Hmm, I am starting to feel pretty hungry. Let me nibble on that one.

cammoblammo · Post by **cammoblammo** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:46 pm

zZzacha wrote:
StalinSays wrote:
zZzacha wrote:Although, if it really were a god-like creature, it would not have to eat anything, now would it?
I supposed. Otherwise you welcome some quizzical lines of inquiry. Prime example: what is it that gods eat? Other gods?
If I were a god, of course I would eat all other gods. No use having the rest around because one can do all the work, being all omnipotent.

Just watch out for explorer bots from the future. They can really stick in your throat.

Mr. Tweedy · Post by **Mr. Tweedy** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 10:14 pm

If I were a god, I would eat pizza. I like pizza.

StalinSays · Post by **StalinSays** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:47 pm

Those who reach to us from beyond needn't be divine:
http://cbs13.com/local/michael.jackson. ... 72797.html

(I don't see it, at all)

Also, MJ can't be there, he clearly never left Neverland.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OSrXBSCqCc

Mr. Tweedy · Post by **Mr. Tweedy** » Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:59 pm

^^^

Ah, yes, good to see the ever-vigilant members of the press out raking the old muck. I'm so glad we have talented professionals who go the extra mile to discover this highly relevant information of which we would otherwise be in sorry ignorance.

Drabblenews: "Journalist" earns six figure salary for interviewing morons about who they think a stain on a tree stump most resembles. (You can't make this stuff up, folks.)

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