Skullverine vs. Squid Marx vs. Hornaztee vs. Indomitable SM

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Joe Ego
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Post by Joe Ego » Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:11 am

I think Indomitable takes it, based on strength of defense combined with a leave-me-alone/hermit/i-wear-black attitude.

Skullverine has supreme durability but is reckless and impulsive. His first target will be the giant, tentacley squid-shaped blob or the big, buzzy, brightly colored blob. Either one will get his attention much quicker than some vaguely snowy fog that can't be bothered to look him in the eye.

Hornazty only has a chance by playing the spoiler, or as auf_weiderzen notes, being "a kill stealing fucktard." Unfortunately, she's still a wasp and has to deal with a similar attitudinal drawback seen with Skullverine. Hornazty may not blindly attack outright, but it only takes one passing shot from the squid or a charge from the wolverine to bring out the vindictive bitch. After that she's just a buzzing, floating glass cannon of rage.

Squid Marx... what could possibly attract more attention (kill me!!!) than a 900lb land squid with flamethrowers on tank tracks? And this guy is not smart; big eyes just mean less room for gray matter. His biggest asset is probably going to be the mustard gas spray. Too bad it won't work against a pissed off wasp. He could swat her with a flamethrower but her agility likely means a squid-knot while the commie bastard wets himself with mustard gas over the sight of a charging, flaming, undead wolverine.

Look for Skullverine to charge Squid Marx and catch fire quickly. The flame and propaganda spouting squid will soon attract the attention of the Alanis-loving Hornazty, not to mention his warm, moist breeding ground of a body. Squid Marx goes down to the death throes of Skullverine and/or takes a paralyzing injection of carniverous wasp larvae in the back. Skullverine catches more than a whiff of mustard gas and is incapacitated momentarily while he continues to burn. Hornazty may catch a flamethrower or mustard gas by closing with the squid.

What about Indomitable? He's the wallflower over there with Morissey playing on his (black) iPod. He's pissed daddy didn't buy him a 3G iPhone. He's bored with this "event" and is going to stand there like a spectator until a crispy, walking skeleton of a wolverine gives him a love tap. Indomitable is just going to get choked up because his mommy never did let him take that puppy home, the one he thinks of when he notices Skullverine. And then he's going to get angry when Skully won't love him and smells so bad, so he'll smash his ice block of a fist through his misbehaving pet's head. Unless a crispy, twitching paw counts then Skullverine's out.

Indomitable then proceeds to sulk. Why did Skullverine have to make him so angry? Life is so dark and then he had to kill... woe, woe, woe. etc. A momentary spike of pain on his butt, a distracted don't-bother-me flick of the wrist, and Hornazty is disabled and flightless. Maybe Indomitable passes out from the stinger; the moody kid could use a nap. Maybe he catches a few larvae; the grubs will last mere seconds. Either way Indomitable ends up scratched, frustrated, and depressed; the same way he started but with a different track playing on his crappy two year old iPod.

But what if Squid Marx tries to go after Indomitable first? He'll only be able to hit with the flamethrowers before the other two get to him and the fire will only generate more steam/smoke to hide the emo snow man. Squid Marx's attempts to rally the other beasts to rise up against the bourgeois oppressor and his iPod listening minion will only sound like the dinner bell to the other bloodthirsty competitors.

The only real risk to Indomitable is that he might commit suicide now that he has physical evidence that everybody really does hate him. Assuming he wins this round he'd better come out of it with a more offensive mindset if he wants to make it any further.

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And we have podcast

Post by normsherman » Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:12 am

http://web.mac.com/normsherman/Site/Meg ... easts.html

And here we go, episode one of the Super-Animal Mega-Beast Death-Match is live. Gorge like a maggot on flesh, zombie or otherwise.
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Post by strawman » Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:17 am

Anyone taking a bite out of the Yeti gets nasty brain freeze.
The only real threat to him is Squid Marx; but Hornasty easily plants a maggot in SquidMarx, so I doubt ISM even has to face Squid. Hornasty's maggots are useless against ISM. She can't even sting ice. That leaves ISM and skullverine, who is also infested with zombie maggots, which by ruling apparently all have to be annihilated for skullverine to lose.
Is ISM aware that the only way to annihilate his undead foes is by drop-kick or direct head shot?
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Post by tastycakes » Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:14 pm

I don't know if there are any Discovery Channel fans here, but they have an incredible show this Sunday at 10 PM (Eastern): When Animals Strike.

Now, I know that sounds like you're average Fox special, but anyone that's seen the preview of this show knows better than that. Each time I see that wolf and bear jet toward the camera, I get the serious heebie-jeebies.
One day he will look into what a ‘stigmata’ really is; for now, it is his trump card for getting out of work. He simply says ‘stigmata’ and they say ‘shit, hope you feel better soon.’ End of story.

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mrrrnnn

Post by StalinSays » Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:50 pm

Voting site is temporarily KO'd with server issues. My IT buddy is notified, and will get it rebooted tonight. When it comes back, I took some time and put together an 'Arena' section, for all those curious about the grounds (with pretty pictures and every thang).

Round 02 ideas are submitted. Kendall, Luke, and Norm are giving them the once over at this moment.

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answers

Post by StalinSays » Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:05 pm

As queried on the podcast. Indomitable Snow Man does in fact piss liquid nitrogen. Remember, that is his blood, so this is less a power, and more a sign of a horrible STD.

----

On the zombie maggot controversy: I still hold that they would do poorly at eating up dead flesh. They are less maggots and more ultra-harmful parasites. For anyone who has missed out on the grotesqueness of nature (DC regulars of course withstanding), I point to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3R1UZQKZek. Eggs are being laid here - it is not a mommy daddy hug.

I do not deny that the unholy flesh of the Skullverine could pervert larvae. Minions are arguable, not impossible. I however cannot recognize a zombie larvae as the last living participant. If Skullverine dies before his subcontracted larvae slaves, the whole lot would 'lose.' Same for Hornaztee, with living larvae.

----
Joe Ego wrote:The only real risk to Indomitable is that he might commit suicide now that he has physical evidence that everybody really does hate him.
Thanks Joe for providing the fight's soundtrack with your breakdown. I wouldn't buy ISM rubber wristbands too soon. He's self-absorbed, but still more 'hom' icidal than 'su' icidal. The kind of attention a round victory would bring would fuel his pretentiousness, rather than come as any kind of traumatic shock. He has a lot of Taking Back Sunday left to do.

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Post by Joe Ego » Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:22 pm

He's self-absorbed, but still more 'hom' icidal than 'su' icidal. The kind of attention a round victory would bring would fuel his pretentiousness, rather than come as any kind of traumatic shock. He has a lot of Taking Back Sunday left to do.
That's for the best then. I'd hate to see some apathetic, doesn't-know-his-own-strength emo take the round by default only to be stomped in the first second of the final by a vicious elephant 5 times his size.

Speaking of finals, can I give a shout out to American Gladiators? Not quite as entertaining as watching a commie pinko squid being torn apart by a flaming, undead wolverine, but at least they cut out the mullets for the reincarnation.

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funny note

Post by StalinSays » Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:49 pm

http://www.empireonline.com/50greatestc ... lt.asp?c=4


"Originally, Wolverine was conceived as a mutated wolverine rather than a mutant human. Presumably, that was too silly even for the comics."


Too silly? Or too awesome....

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hey hey

Post by StalinSays » Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:50 am

Voting has returned, sorry one and all for that temporary interruption of usage.

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Post by tbaker2500 » Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:40 am

So the podcast mentioned character based on adam. I submit for a future competition:

(lack of) Iron Man
(Ozzie theme song starts playing as he enters the arena)
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Post by cammoblammo » Sat Aug 02, 2008 7:01 am

Well, I just listened to the Super Mega Awesome Beast Kill Death Match Whatever podcast in the car, and it really got me thinking. I mean, I had to go back and reevaluate all my thinking and reconsider the whole analysis I'd done before. I spent a fair bit of time on that, but I'm open to new ideas.

But...

I had my wife in the car for a ten minute stretch of the 'cast, and she had to ask:
What sort of loser spends their time thinking about all this stuff? I mean, who'd actually take the time to sit down and go through it all? Geez, these guys need to get a life!
Please promise me you won't tell her...

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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:35 pm

What clearer demonstration could we have that women are inferior to men and unfit to lead? We would give control of The Button to people who don't unnderstand the awesomeness of mega-beasts? That's just asking for it not to be pushed! Bad idea.
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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:35 pm

What clearer demonstration could we have that women are inferior to men and unfit to lead? We would give control of The Button to people who don't unnderstand the awesomeness of mega-beasts? That's just asking for it not to be pushed! Bad idea.
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Post by cammoblammo » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:00 pm

Mr. Tweedy wrote:What clearer demonstration could we have that women are inferior to men and unfit to lead? We would give control of The Button to people who don't unnderstand the awesomeness of mega-beasts? That's just asking for it not to be pushed! Bad idea.
Hmm. Did Hornaztee's odds go down when I accidentally pointed out she was like, you know, female?

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Post by Mr. Tweedy » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:23 pm

cammoblammo wrote:
Mr. Tweedy wrote:What clearer demonstration could we have that women are inferior to men and unfit to lead? We would give control of The Button to people who don't unnderstand the awesomeness of mega-beasts? That's just asking for it not to be pushed! Bad idea.
Hmm. Did Hornaztee's odds go down when I accidentally pointed out she was like, you know, female?
No, being female is her primary power. Males just can't inject flesh-eating larvae. That's one of the few drawbacks of being male.

Of course, if you're a male arthropod, it's quite likely that the chicks are twice your size and will bite your head off during mating. Hornaztee strikes me as that kind of girl. I think Bo should add a picture of the late Mr. Hornaztee's decapitated corpse in the background of her portrait.
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Post by normsherman » Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:01 pm

cammoblammo wrote:
What sort of loser spends their time thinking about all this stuff? I mean, who'd actually take the time to sit down and go through it all? Geez, these guys need to get a life!

*tears up* those are the kinds of beautiful statements that remind me what this is all about.
"Give us all some Jelly"

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Post by tbaker2500 » Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:32 pm

After my most recent rec league softball game, the team was chilling at a pizza joint. I brought up the discussion of whether injected flesh eating larvae, when eating zombie flesh, would die, do damage, or get turned to zombies themselves. After a while of discussion, I was asked the URL to partake in this by many of the people.

I should note that this is a all-guys team. "nuff said.
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Post by cammoblammo » Sat Aug 02, 2008 8:47 pm

Mr. Tweedy wrote: No, being female is her primary power. Males just can't inject flesh-eating larvae. That's one of the few drawbacks of being male.
Well, male giant squid seem to have their own weapons of mass injection. I must say, I was surprised to see Squid Marx doesn't have a sword. I'm wondering---is the commie a lady-squid, perhaps?
tbaker2500 wrote:After my most recent rec league softball game, the team was chilling at a pizza joint. I brought up the discussion of whether injected flesh eating larvae, when eating zombie flesh, would die, do damage, or get turned to zombies themselves. After a while of discussion, I was asked the URL to partake in this by many of the people.

I should note that this is a all-guys team. "nuff said.
You know, I haven't seen too many of the female DC listeners on this discussion for a while. Perhaps next year we might need a more... feminine type of competition. How about "Super Mega Awesome Scrapbooking Tools" or "Really Nice Bunnies of Northern Europe".

Then again, it's my prerogative be a loser who likes to waste time. My wife already has a life.

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the ladies

Post by StalinSays » Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:21 pm

My girlfriend does an amicable job following the Death-Match - listens to the podcast, votes most days, has breezed the forums. I do believe though it's more about understanding my strange infatuation than anything particular in the details. Personally I just don't think girls recognize 'battle to the death' as the quintessential form of interaction. When someone shoots an archduke and the war of the sexes happens, they will of course all be battled to the death.

I predict tanuki will help the gender shakedown in round 2 with massive ball appeal

--

Didn't work Squid Marx's 'love jet' in to the art, or the discussion, but it is surely there. Consider it his surprise weapon for the most hated of entangled opponents.

--

Hornaztee is in Kucinich land, but we still have a hell of a race going in to the final stretch. I'm wanting to start the 'hybrid champion of round 1' art, but the leaders are within two votes of each other. The Obama of the group is not yet clear, but we are assured a general election 'dream ticket' amassed in the mutant champion.

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Re: the ladies

Post by cammoblammo » Sat Aug 02, 2008 9:40 pm

StalinSays wrote: I predict tanuki will help the gender shakedown in round 2 with massive ball appeal
Well, my wife keeps telling me size doesn't matter. So I doubt it'll get her on board.
StalinSays wrote: Didn't work Squid Marx's 'love jet' in to the art, or the discussion, but it is surely there. Consider it his surprise weapon for the most hated of entangled opponents.
Well, it's all over then. The only one I currently see really hurting Squid Marx is Skullverine, and if the Squid is hiding a sword, he could really mess him up good.

Now that I think about it, though, how would Squid Marx cope with a flaming napalm covered zombie wolverine? It's just occurred to me that Squid Marx's most potent weapon could be turned against him---would you want to entangle that?

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