MB4 R2 - Lamb Chops vs. Big Boris vs. The Meth Worm

[normsherman]

After a rousing tumble of an opener, the next battle dawns. Three more stolid Centurions of slap-dash savagery punch their tickets. As before, the top vote-getter on mega-beasts.com after Sunday October 10th (Midnight, Eastern) will advance to the finals, and become a stomach-turning Meta-Beast! Tell a friend (just make sure they subscribe to your particular bestial allegiance beforehand).

Another audio podcast featuring the death panel should arrive sometime early next week. Let the hairs be split!

[StalinSays]

I do have the full, detailed powers/weaknesses/info up on the site at launch this round. But for ease of reference, once again, quickie powers summations:

Lamb Chops (submitted by Mikes): A sheep, a ninja, whooops, where'dit'go? Lamb Chops cuts its opponents down to size with a varied attack, cunning, and stealth. Wielding a katana, shurikens, a grappling hook, bo staffs, and throwing daggers, amongst other small arms, this black sheep is ready to mix it up.

Big Boris (submitted by Phenopath): A swollen, steroid popping, aggression junky of a brown bear, Big Boris has not dealt with the decline of the Eastern Bloc all too well. It brings its strength, savagery, and super-human (err.. super-bear) endurance to the death match, along with cocksure certainty of its near future triumph. He feels pain, he just doesn't care.

The Birmingham Meth Worm {BMW} (submitted by Jonathan CG): an odious, hulking worm crawling from the darkest corners of America's heartland. Speeding, shrieking, spitting miasma that will leave you tweaking. Answers to Tommy. You will not detox until he says so. And that will most likely be happening, oh, never'ish.

[jannypie]

Bravo again Bo on the drawings. Great picks, guys. I was pulling for Uzicorn myself, although Bo pointed out that there has already been a Unibeast in the past.

On Big Boris, does he have pneumatic steel claws in addition to his normal claws? That's what it looks like in the photo. If so, badassery, thy name is Boris. Also, the things in his shoulders, are those syringes or something else?

Lamb Chops still cracks me up, I freakin love it. And I like the explanation of how he got opposable thumbs, I was so going to go there. Cute, or deadly... or both?!

Meth Worm looks exactly as I pictured him. The thought of comin across that guy in a dark alley makes me shudder more than either of the other two combined. Is the beer bottle his only weapon, or can he whip up others from his array of meth-makin chemicals? I'm thinkin that his supplies would make a mean molotov cocktail, giving him a ranged weapon.

[ejbman]

Bravo again Bo on the drawings. Great picks, guys. I was pulling for Uzicorn myself, although Bo pointed out that there has already been a Unibeast in the past.

On Big Boris, does he have pneumatic steel claws in addition to his normal claws? That's what it looks like in the photo. If so, badassery, thy name is Boris. Also, the things in his shoulders, are those syringes or something else?

Lamb Chops still cracks me up, I freakin love it. And I like the explanation of how he got opposable thumbs, I was so going to go there. Cute, or deadly... or both?!

Meth Worm looks exactly as I pictured him. The thought of comin across that guy in a dark alley makes me shudder more than either of the other two combined. Is the beer bottle his only weapon, or can he whip up others from his array of meth-makin chemicals? I'm thinkin that his supplies would make a mean molotov cocktail, giving him a ranged weapon.

Good thinking on the molotov cocktail, but honestly, considering that Lamp Chops is only 210lbs compared to the 3+ tons of each of the others, I think they will be using Lamp Chops in place of a ranged weapon. They'll just toss him back and forth between each other.

[Phenopath]

Q. Does the BMW drip acid from its tongue, does it flick lightning from its bum?

Seriously, I think that this is between Big Boris and Lamb Chops. Big Boris is a hoary steroid addled monster back for one last hurrah. A bit like Sly in Rock Balboa, and you know what happened in that film (actually I do not know what happened at the end of in that film, I was to busy sobbing). Whereas Lamb Chops is the new kid on the block. It is age against youth, stealth against power.

Oh, and let's get that courgette debacle out of the way. A courgette is no match for those razor-sharp pneumatic claws.

[ejbman]

Lamp Chops? Seriously? He's 5'9" to Boris's 14ft. and BMW's 30ft. If you've ever jumped from the high dive at the pool (generally 12 ft), that's still 2ft shorter than Boris. Imagine fighting a dense-muscled death bear taller than the high dive, that will utterly ignore any damage you inflict. You will have to structurally damage him, and that is going to take a lot of work. You'll have to repeatly hack the same spot over and over to do that. Meanwhile, his claws have turned you into mutton stew.

I think BMW has a better chance against Boris with the damage caused by his effluvia. The fact that he represents much that is wrong with the American culture will enrage the jingoistic Boris, but being a fast-moving worm, he should be able to avoid any of Boris's mad charges.

Hell, if Minotaurd could win by just waiting for the other two to destroy each other, that might work as BMW's tactic as well. Just flit away and hide until the other two hack at each other enough to have killed one and weaken the other (Boris).

Thus, weakened Boris would just charge past the fast moving Worm, inhaling the lung-melting vapors, which would have the effect of structually damaging Boris's ability to fight. At the same time, the drugs would send Boris into the ultimate bad trip, where Gordon Gekko makes him dance and juggle in a circus, using a whip made out of of Stalin's dried intenstines.

[moonowl]

1) Boris is old, slow, uninspired and tired, like just like a commie.
2) BMW- have you ever seen a Meth head? yeah.

Lamb Chops all the way! He doesn't need size, he's gonna use that grappling hook and weapons and climb straight up 'em.

[Mikes]

Yay, my suggestion was taken - thanks guys!

Lamp Chops? Seriously? He's 5'9" to Boris's 14ft. and BMW's 30ft.

I was thinking just this, but hot on the heels of that thought was the opening scene with Brad Pitt in Troy, where he kills the giant guy with a single thrust. IE, size isn't everything.

I'm surprised some people are already discounting the BMW. The other two have no ranged abilities (well, Lamb Chops has shurikens, but only 6) so they have to deal with his death meth cloud or else he'll deafen them with his sonic boom of classic rock. I think that will come down to who can get in and out quick enough without having it effect them too much, which both Boris and Lamb can do, one with charge and one with ninja 'in and out, stabby stabby' attacks.

Right now, I'm thinking Lamb could take out Boris. He's too quick and too distracting for the old bear. I reckon the real truoble will be the BMW.... unless he's on a downer.

[dreamrock]

After extensive research, I'm pretty sure Boris is a Kamchatka. Which means Lamb Chops won't ignore Boris on because of vegetarianism. The page on Mongolian Death Worms was slightly less helpful in the case of BMW. Google is convinced, however, that the MDW is carnivorous. So, Lamb Chops is free to attack whomever in this battle.

I don't really have a favorite, but sneakingly suspect I'll be going Boris if for no other reason than that I suspect he's going to get a senselessly bad rap over the communism. It's a death match, folks. Not a test of the superior economic system (spoiler: the superior economic system is *killed by rogue llamas in order to prevent the revelation of the closely held secret* ).

[tbaker2500]

Hmm.

I'm going to keep my mind open for now. My initial impression is that Boris is a shoe-in. BMW is hilarious, but I'm unconvinced about his powers. Lamb Chops is great, I'd like for him to win, but I'm not sure he could really take down Boris.

Boris is the least interesting to me, but at first blush seems to be the best fighter.

[SEELE_01]

I think Meth Worm has got this one.

Boris is far too prideful to beat up a Meth Addict if he doesn't have too. This means he'll go after Lamb Chops.

Now, Lamb Chops (being a Ninja) would have no qualms taking out Meth Worm silently. Unfortunately, except for his katana, all his weapons seem to be piercing, poisoning, or distracting. Now, I don't think he'll be able to do too much to Meth Worm with any of these. Worms have tricky anatomy so the piercing wouldn't do too much. Considering all the Meth he's survived it important to speculate how much of other poisons he could withstand. The flash and smoke bombs would probably just send him onto a bad trip fulled with rage and fury. The katana could would if he got in close, but you need to remember the noxious fumes that are so powerful that they melt lungs, not to mention that awful, awful singing.

Now, I'll assume that Boris beats Lamb Chops and is then forced to attack Meth Worm. Boris, while strong and nearly immune to pain, can't really do anything without getting in close to Meth Worm. While none of Meth Worm's physical attacks could stop him, he could splash some random drugs in Boris's face to see if any mix poorly with the steroids used on Boris OR the vapors could destroy his lungs. Doesn't matter how strong/durable/berserkering you are if your lungs melt.

[Non-Euclidean Geo.]

I was pulling for Uzicorn myself

You have excellent taste. I agree that Bo has once again put the mega in "mega-beast." Oh, how I longed to see Uzicorn illustrated. Alas....

Anyway, I'm with the general consensus thus far that Boris takes this round easily, though my heart is with BMW. Everyone's rightly pointed out Lamb Chops' serious deficiency in size and what's BMW's narcotic miasma to a 'roid raging needle freak. It's a matter of which drugs affect Boris more; BMW's airborne cocktail or the steroids and hormones already pumping through Boris' veins? Set ideology aside, forget the Soviets fearsome conventional forces in the Cold War, two years ago the Russians waltzed into Georgia like they were picking up their date to the prom. And you know what rhymes with Georgia? Georgia, which is near Birmingham and that spells trouble....for BMW.

Still, I'm willing to be talked out of supporting the commie pinko.

[SEELE_01]

I don't doubt Boris's power. I think it really comes down to whether or not he suffocates before lands a killing blow on BMW

[Mikes]

two years ago the Russians waltzed into Georgia like they were picking up their date to the prom.

OK, but let's look at something:

Georgia - population 4,200,000

Russia - population 150,000,000

Georgia - GNI - $2,400

Russia - GNI $9,600

not exactly a fair fight, yet fight they did and the Russian army didn't have it all their own way. Let's see what happens when the mother(land) lover comes up against someone much smaller who packs the same punch.

Plus there's the age factor for Boris. We tend to think that age is replaced by guile, but Boris doesn't strike me as the kind of bear wo which 'subtle' could be applied. I'd think he'd go about fighting the same way he walways has, open brutal, opening attacks wins the fight and having no back up if it doesn't.

I'm also starting to think that BMW's mental affliction could be viewed similarly to Mino's stupidity from round one. The big question is if he's going to be out of it when the fight starts. if he is, it's really between Lamb and Boris, with whoever wins that having to find a way around BMW's miasma.

I'm still leaning towards Lamb. Boris charges and find Lamb dodges easily with a smoke bomb. That happens a few times until lamb's grapple comes into play and he's up on Bori's haunches finding the sweet spot with his katana. Then it's amatter of hit shurikens and throwing knives on BMW until blood (?) loss overtakes the drugs. Maybe, I'm still thinking through this part.

[SEELE_01]

Actually against Boris, Lamb's size is an advantage to him. I could see Boris getting outmaneuvered by Chop due to his size and speed being more or less the exact opposite of Boris.

However, against BMW he is at a disadvantage because he doesn't have any powerful range. He's got six throwing stars and some poison tipped darts. I don't see that doing well against a large creature weighing in at 3 tons.

EDIT: About the remark comparing BMW's hallucinations to Minotaurd's intelligence. The way I see it, BMW's hallucinations will either make him immune to fear, or so scared he'll avoid the other monsters like the plague till his hallucination stops. If there were powerful range attacks he'd be dead but neither opponent has such a thing.

[Mikes]

Actually against Boris, Lamb's size is an advantage to him. I could see Boris getting outmaneuvered by Chop due to his size and speed being more or less the exact opposite of Boris.

However, against BMW he is at a disadvantage because he doesn't have any powerful range. He's got six throwing stars and some poison tipped darts. I don't see that doing well against a large creature weighing in at 3 tons.

Yeah,this is the way I'm thinking. Although, with Chops V BMW I really think it's going to come down to exactly how out of it BMW is. I've never seen a meth head so I don't know. Field trip opportunity, perhaps?

[ejbman]

I've never seen a meth head so I don't know. Field trip opportunity, perhaps?

Maybe a research grant.

[jannypie]

I'm still undecided on these three, I can really see any one of them kicking butt out there.

I have no doubt that Lamb Chops can be quick and maybe cut a tendon on Boris, bringing him down, but I just don't see how he can get through the massive size of either of the others in order to do vital damage.

Meth Worm might be a surprise card. I could see someone threatening to repo Meth's car and send Meth into a raging flurry of teeth gnashing rage, leaving Boris and Lamb Chops battered and broken in spirit.

[boot]

The sheep kills BMW, but is slowed by the injury to his lungs. In a very Bane vs Batman move, I see Boris whipping Lamb Chops up over head head and CRACK the spine.
I love the idea of Lamb Chops, and I think he'll put a hurt on the other two but ultimately he will be, well, lamb chopped.
I can't whip up enthusiasm for the meth worm, so I think I'll spend this rest of this fight in the BORIS THE BEAR fanclub tent. He's cocky for a reason, people.

[StalinSays]

To my mind, the real-time fighting in this round has to begin Boris versus BMW. What ninja worth his throwing knife would reveal himself at the onset of a three beast tussle? It is all about maximizing his advantage.