Kinsman

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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ROU Killing Time
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Kinsman

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:34 pm

The King had fallen.

Sentenced by his subjects to exile, to be split into many parts and cast adrift into the myriad worlds, he was broken and lost.

Tellison found him, helping to guide the pieces of himself back together.

The fallen monarch did not know who Tellison was, or why he had sought him out, nor what his motivations for helping him were.

When, at last, the final part of himself was reunited, he thought he knew who Tellison must be.

“Are you my father?” he asked his rescuer.

“No,” he replied, “I am your son.”
"Never fuck with The Culture"
Sublime In Peace Iain M. Banks.

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Re: Kinsman

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:42 pm

This is one of those rare drabbles where, on the first draft, I ran the word-count and saw the magic number "100." I looked it over to see if it needed any revision, but can't find any problems with it, so far as it conveying the story that I'm trying to tell.

I hope it's not too obvious, or too obscure.
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Algernon Sydney is Dead
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Re: Kinsman

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Mon Nov 30, 2009 7:51 pm

Well, it's not obvious to me. If you are alluding to, or referencing something, I cannot tell what it is.

The story is OK but somewhat dry, IMO. I don't feel either for the king or the son, and I don't see a hook or twist. Also I only get 97 words. :wink:

So, not bad... It just doesn't excite me.

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Re: Kinsman

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:16 pm

Algernon Sydney is Dead wrote:Well, it's not obvious to me. If you are alluding to, or referencing something, I cannot tell what it is.

The story is OK but somewhat dry, IMO. I don't feel either for the king or the son, and I don't see a hook or twist. Also I only get 97 words. :wink:

So, not bad... It just doesn't excite me.
Hmm, Open Office still says 100 words. What are you counting with?

No intentional literary or mythological allusions, so, no you're not missing anything there.

Yes, it's a bit on the dry side. Attempt at more of a simple story here. Guess I was feeling a bit Norman Rockwell today. Maybe it would be better if there were tentacles involved, instead of the Amber-esque multi-worlds family reunion story. :)

What was most exciting to me, was hitting the 100 words on the first try, going after the admittedly drier subject matter and not making any gross grammatical errors that always threaten to cause Miss Grimsley to rise from her grave.

But you went an harshed THAT buzz... Thank's a lot man... ;-)

EDIT: Now I'm doubly perplexed, (and totally buzz-harshed) since a manual count agrees with your total of 97...

URG, is Open Office unreliable in this regard?

P.S. Maybe some kind soul could upgrade the Twit-Fic sizing tool to do drabble counts too. After all, this is the drabblecast, (not the twabblcast...) :D
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Re: Kinsman

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:25 pm

And since the slam-dunk 100 words on the first try is blown out of the water, I guess I'll do a re-work to try and bring the time-travel aspect in more clearly too. Son fixes dad so he can end up being born in the first place, paradox.
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Re: Kinsman

Post by strawman » Mon Nov 30, 2009 10:05 pm

ROU Killing Time wrote:And since the slam-dunk 100 words on the first try is blown out of the water, I guess I'll do a re-work to try and bring the time-travel aspect in more clearly too. Son fixes dad so he can end up being born in the first place, paradox.
Well that blows my "child is the father of the man" vibe.
Well, maybe not. According to Yahoo!Answers, "Child is the father of the man" is about time travel.
JeezFrakkinLoueez! :?
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Re: Kinsman

Post by ROU Killing Time » Mon Nov 30, 2009 10:13 pm

That's the problem with time travel stories, of course. Nothing new under the sun. They are either a) closed loops or b) multi-worlds.

Of course, hackneyed subjects are fair game, otherwise there would be no more stories with dragons and orsc.

Even Tolken stole, uh, i mean borrowed heavily from Norse Mythology. (Ever seen Wagner's Ring Cycle operas. Hmmm Hero get's the Rhinegold ring of ultimate power from a trolly-goblin dude under a mountain.... hey, I can use that...)
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Re: Kinsman

Post by strawman » Mon Nov 30, 2009 10:32 pm

Harry Potter is nothing but an aglomeration of Greek mythology.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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Re: Kinsman

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Mon Nov 30, 2009 11:50 pm

ROU Killing Time wrote:But you went an harshed THAT buzz... Thank's a lot man... ;-)

EDIT: Now I'm doubly perplexed, (and totally buzz-harshed) since a manual count agrees with your total of 97...

URG, is Open Office unreliable in this regard?
Sorry, Bro! I'm always getting told to "Buzz Off!" -- maybe I took that too much to heart. :)

As for open office, I suspect something else is going on. If you have the original file, you could shoot it to me for a look-see.

P.S. Maybe some kind soul could upgrade the Twit-Fic sizing tool to do drabble counts too. After all, this is the drabblecast, (not the twabblcast...) :D
Sacrilege! :x I will not stand for such lies!

I'll add a drabble counter to the rainy-day list but I don't see a huge demand/need for it.

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Re: Kinsman

Post by Algernon Sydney is Dead » Mon Nov 30, 2009 11:59 pm

strawman wrote:Harry Potter is nothing but an aglomeration of Greek mythology.
Rowling actually stole more from Christian mythology and values. So, by extension, these were memes that originated in Egypt and Mesopotamia, transmitted through Hebrews and Greeks.

There are a fair number of early European ideas mixed in as well. The Death Eaters were originally called "The Knights of Walpurgis", for example.

Rowling was an equal-opportunity thief. :)

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Re: Kinsman

Post by strawman » Tue Dec 01, 2009 12:45 am

The fact is she made her fortune by combing through humanities slush pile and retelling the best stories. It's a great idea. The stories have lasted for thousands of years for a reason. But dadgumit, Drabblecast stories are right up there with 'em.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

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