As Fast As I Can!

100 word stories. Post all you like, maybe we'll dip in and use yours?
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zcarter80
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As Fast As I Can!

Post by zcarter80 » Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:32 am


I run for my life for if I do not run I shall surely perish.

The dark purpose in their minds was revealed as I lay on the table weak from the heat and yet I ran.

The only possessions I've carried from my home was 4 of mother’s heart pills hidden beneath gumdrop buttons.

I know they will catch me, so when they do my life will end, so shall theirs.

I taunt my parents over my shoulder once more.

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the ginger bread . . .”

Chomp.
Attachments
shrekforeveraftergingerbreadcostume.jpg
shrekforeveraftergingerbreadcostume.jpg (15.25 KiB) Viewed 1829 times
If I wrote it you can read it unless you sound like Fran Drescher.

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zcarter80
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Re: As Fast As I Can!

Post by zcarter80 » Sun Dec 05, 2010 8:52 pm

Thanks everyone for all the views, just looking for a little feedback if there is any.
If I wrote it you can read it unless you sound like Fran Drescher.

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strawman
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Re: As Fast As I Can!

Post by strawman » Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:22 pm

This would be a neat story for bedtime of a troublesome 3 year-old.
Never judge anyone until you have biopsied their brain.

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."
Known Some Call Is Air Am
Spoiler:
Non sum qualis eram = "I am not who I will be"

Loof
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Re: As Fast As I Can!

Post by Loof » Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:50 pm

A nice concept, another dark-and-twisted-oh-my-god-what-have-you-done-to-my-childhood interpretation of a traditional fairy story, a genre we both clearly enjoy.

The line "I know they will catch me, so when they do my life will end, so shall theirs" does trip my brain up a little. I'd suggest something like "I know they will catch me, and when they do my life will end.
So shall theirs."

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zcarter80
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Re: As Fast As I Can!

Post by zcarter80 » Mon Dec 06, 2010 8:05 am

i knew that line was off somehow. thanx for the note. Strawman all my stories are perfect for rowdy 3 year old's just ask my son . . . if he ever finds his way out of that burlap sack.
If I wrote it you can read it unless you sound like Fran Drescher.

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Thomas Daulton
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Re: As Fast As I Can!

Post by Thomas Daulton » Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:52 am

I keep coming back to this one, trying to think how to critique it... I think it gets a lot of hits because there's an attachment, so people (like me) wonder why do you need an attachment in order to tell a drabble. On the one hand, the illustration really solidified the character which had not actually gelled 100% as I read the story, so in one respect, that was good use of "found art". On the other hand, using a mass-marketed image to help tell the story felt like a low blow to me. Still, your story does not actually rely on "Shrek" to accomplish its purpose -- there are plenty of other stores of baked goods coming to life, I'm thinking "Breadmaster" -- so I don't have a real complaint to hold against you. Still makes me feel ambivalent, though.
"All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost." --J.R.R. TOLKIEN

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zcarter80
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Re: As Fast As I Can!

Post by zcarter80 » Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:14 pm

Actually i posted the attachment because i came across it while looking for gingerbread templates so i could make one with my son and thought "Gee that little guy looks pissed off! I wonder what would have happened if the gingerbread man had a mean streak?" and then i wrote the drabble. It wasn't meant to be a support piece, but i just thought i would post my inspiration since it looks pretty funny to me. Dreamworks gets no blatant free plug from me. Even though hits like Shrek, How to Train Your Dragon and Kung Fu Panda are all available now on blue ray and dvd in a local S - Mart store near you! Remember "Shop smart, shop S - Mart!"
If I wrote it you can read it unless you sound like Fran Drescher.

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