MBDM 2012 - Flighty Heat

[StalinSays]

WINNER: LUCK BILLED PLATYPUS (by 3 friggin' votes)



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Beast 1:
Mourning Dove
Nature: Morning Dove
Size: 1'6" (tall) 3' (Wingspan)
Weight: 35 pounds
Tiny by mega-beast standards, the Mourning Dove is no less dangerous than its heftier foes. Feigned emotion is its greatest asset; the outward perception is that of an inconsolable mess, ridden with the pain of loss. Secretly though, its full of kinetic fury. Capable of sound barrier breaking speed. Razor sharp beak and claws.

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Beast 2:
Sphynxtaur
Nature: human/lion/eagle/bull
Size: 7' (Tall) 28' (Wingspan)
Weight: 1 ton
A hybrid the stuff of legend - Sphynxtaur: part sphynx, part minotaur, and part griffin. Brutish strength, animalistic savagery, and a human-like intellect. Preferred approach is to devour prey, and well, to drop droppings as it flies. Scatological, sure, but this thing can digest with the best of them.

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Beast 3:
Bat el Ex
Nature: Ecuadorian tube lipped nectar bat
Size: 4' (tall) 14' (Wingspan)
Weight: 390 pounds
Able to fly at super fast speeds and deliver long distance attacks with its tongue (150% the length of its body). Tongue can twist in knots - in one gruesome variant, a noose, used for the old 'lasso, lift n' hang' attack. The Bat el Ex becomes extra vicious if it happens to have a hot flush while in a fight, after which it initiates its secret weapon: Hormonal Passive Aggressive Attacks, which reduce other fighters into emotional heaps, although it might not happen until later after the battle, and the combatant won't know why it is so upset. Draw backs are the likely chance of depression caused by the belief that Bat el Ex is past its prime. Requires Chapstick on its person at all time.

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Beast 4:
Swanflict
Nature: Swan
Size: 6' (Tall) 10' (Wingspan)
Weight: 300 lbs
The latest generation of the true swan bloodline. Common swans betray the beast's true essence, of an alpha predator! Wings so fine they cut like knives, with detachable, throwing feathers. Characterized by grace and cunning. So white it reflects the sun, causing temporary blindness. Has an eagle eye (a term that swans hate by the way, as it is a bastardized form of the original 'swan's eye'). With it, amazing aim - Swanflict is able to hit a target dead on, from more than a mile away. An intolerable arrogance, befitting of its lineage.

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Beast 5:
Luck-Billed Platypus
Nature: Platypus
Size: 3'5" (Long) 3'5" (Tall)
Weight: 300 lbs
A diminutive, peculiar monster, with a magical nature, as perplexing to foes as the platypus is to mammalia as a whole. Lacks all but the most rudimentary physical attacks: sharp teeth, claws. Far though from harmless: can manipulate reality, in particular probability, to its advantage. Should a dive-bomb attack be heading LBP's way, oh look, it misses. Should a knife-like feather be hurdling towards its blind-side, hey well, it bounces off a rock, to return upon its thrower. A charmed fellow, to be sure.

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[Christi]

Anybody who has lived with a menopausal relative will understand that this beast CANNOT be beaten. It doesn’t matter what kind of counter attack you throw at it, its irrational hormonal assaults will render all else inconsequential.
Maybe Shynxtaur will have a chance if he can convince her he thinks she’s attractive, she does believe she has passed her prime, he can sneak attack while she’s “batting” her eyelids. On the other hand that date may just leave him a quivering, self doubting reflection of his former self, as he struggles to come to terms with the fact that he probably ruined her life. Menopause, it’s a BATch

[bo_puppet]

Now which one of the other beasts reminds Bat el Ex the most of her ex-husband?

[Joe Ego]

Now which one of the other beasts reminds Bat el Ex the most of her ex-husband?

Clearly it's the Luck-Billed Platypus. He was 'lucky' to have her. And lucky enough to hook up with that hot secretary/nurse/barrista and have an excuse to dump her sorry ass.

[Mikes]

Platypus, all the way. In adition to all the abilities listed, the platypus also sports a poisonous dagger on its back claw. What didn't know about that? NIETHER DID ITS VICTIMS!

[moonowl]

Swanaflict, totally random vote for name

[Christi]

Now which one of the other beasts reminds Bat el Ex the most of her ex-husband?

Ex husband?? Nah, I think he is deceased, rotting in a pile of guano. She would have killed him when meno set in....strangled him with her tongue for not taking out the trash on time....

[Candiboy]

Platypus, all the way. In adition to all the abilities listed, the platypus also sports a poisonous dagger on its back claw. What didn't know about that? NIETHER DID ITS VICTIMS!

But even a platypus would be terrified of the demonic evil that is an onslaught of screaming and anger brought on by menopause. Its is extreme and scary and knows no limits. When the attacks are mental and emotional and physical what chance would another fighter have against the Bat el Ex

[ROU Killing Time]

Platypus, all the way. In adition to all the abilities listed, the platypus also sports a poisonous dagger on its back claw. What didn't know about that? NIETHER DID ITS VICTIMS!

But even a platypus would be terrified of the demonic evil that is an onslaught of screaming and anger brought on by menopause. Its is extreme and scary and knows no limits. When the attacks are mental and emotional and physical what chance would another fighter have against the Bat el Ex

I'm liking these new brethren from the land of the Nandi Bear.

[Algernon Sydney is Dead]

(Bat el Ex's) Ex husband?? Nah, I think he is deceased ... She would have killed him when meno set in...

I think you're right. I mean look at her, no good hands. She'd have to use her tongue to lower the toilet seat! No wonder she's got anger issues.

[Mikes]

.... an onslaught of screaming and anger brought on by menopause.

...easily overcome by ample lashings of icecream.

[tbaker2500]

Swanflict is the winner here. Swanflict is immune to Mourning dove's attacks, since we all know that swans are regal and care not about the plight of the common dove. The same applies to the verbal lashings of Bat El Ax. Sphynxtaur will be a bought fight, but a couple of passes with those razor sharp wings will slice him up.

The LBP is the unknown this round. I envision the matchup between Swanflict and LBP as the fights scenes from Kung fu Panda.

[Christi]

.... an onslaught of screaming and anger brought on by menopause.

...easily overcome by ample lashings of icecream.

Yes, but when she stops screaming, those passive aggressive attacks will kick in AND once the ice cream is finished (possibly the whole damn tub) she be more angry because of the extra pounds she just gained!

[Dr. Ew]

Swanflict. He just has to find a way for the LBP to break a mirror or walk under a ladder and then he's sitting pretty.

[jannypie]

Maybe Shynxtaur will have a chance if he can convince her he thinks she’s attractive, she does believe she has passed her prime, he can sneak attack while she’s “batting” her eyelids. On the other hand that date may just leave him a quivering, self doubting reflection of his former self, as he struggles to come to terms with the fact that he probably ruined her life. Menopause, it’s a BATch

I like this line of thinking. In a battle of the sexes, who wins? The big, horny, bull-shitting hunk of maleflesh, or the psychotic, passive-aggressive, yet deeply insecure female? I think the difference here is that Sphynxtaur is actually hiding the coldly calculating, mind-riddling intelligence of a tricksy tricksy Sphinx, and plays on Bat El Ex's weaknesses with the mastery of an Egyptian god. Combined with his stunning Greek physique and lion/eagle air of majesty, Bat El Ex stands no chance in this battle of manipulation.

[Christi]

Maybe Shynxtaur will have a chance if he can convince her he thinks she’s attractive, she does believe she has passed her prime, he can sneak attack while she’s “batting” her eyelids. On the other hand that date may just leave him a quivering, self doubting reflection of his former self, as he struggles to come to terms with the fact that he probably ruined her life. Menopause, it’s a BATch

I like this line of thinking. In a battle of the sexes, who wins? The big, horny, bull-shitting hunk of maleflesh, or the psychotic, passive-aggressive, yet deeply insecure female? I think the difference here is that Sphynxtaur is actually hiding the coldly calculating, mind-riddling intelligence of a tricksy tricksy Sphinx, and plays on Bat El Ex's weaknesses with the mastery of an Egyptian god. Combined with his stunning Greek physique and lion/eagle air of majesty, Bat El Ex stands no chance in this battle of manipulation.

You have some good points, but you need to take into account that she has been manipulating men all her life (she is female after all), and she has been taken advantage of many many times.
After the first wave of flattery has worn off, she will see through all of his pretences.
She will lure him in with a false sense of security. He will lean in for his kiss of death, thinking he is going to surprise her with a strangle hold. But just as is about to make his move, she whips out her tongue wraps it around his neck and torso and squeezes the life out of the arrogant, shit-faced, male chauvinist beast!!! GAME OVER, BAT EL EX WINS!!!
The ultimate Femme-Fatale

[Candiboy]

Bat El Ex would win every time! Not only is she a vicious flying bat with a long lassoing tongue, but she is a vicious flying bat who can spot the emotional weak spots in her opponents and then rub metaphorical salt in their wounds! If this is a battle of the sexes, then Bat El Ex has to win - women are the stronger sex! Yes, men wear the trousers! But who picks them out? Their wives!!! And this is no ordinary house wife the other contestants would be battling with! She strong, fast and always has a scathing remark ready! And in a ring full of male contestants she would hold the advantage if for no other reason, than the other fighters being absorbed in watching her impressively ample breasts bounce and sway (its menopause they are a bit saggy...) as she flys about disabling them!

[bo_puppet]

All gender politics aside - Swanflict can brain a moving target with a knife feather from a mile away. Plus, it's too stuck-up to care what the Bat el Ex thinks of it anyway. Paper, meet scissors.

[StalinSays]

All gender politics aside - Swanflict can brain a moving target with a knife feather from a mile away. Plus, it's too stuck-up to care what the Bat el Ex thinks of it anyway. Paper, meet scissors.

Oh puppet me, you always get so swan-fixated when you've been drinking.

Seriously though, someone tell me why this doesn't happen.

[tbaker2500]

I does happen. While all this namby pamby emotionalizing is going on, Swanflict just kills 'em.