Mary Had a Little Lamb

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Location: Warkworth, a.k.a "The Sticks"

Mary Had a Little Lamb

Post by HPHovercraft »

Firstly, congrats on Drabblecast aaaaaalmost back to life! I haven't been here for a long time [insert Obi-wan meme].

Secondly, apropos of nothing in particular, I came in this morning after feeding one of our lambs whose mum sadly didn't make it, and my wife asked me what the 'other' Mary Had a Little Lamb poem was. I could only remember the extra one about the sooty foot, so I had to make up some others.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as soot.
And into Mary’s bread and jam,
Its sooty foot it put.


Mary had a little lamb,
She took it for a walk.
The other girls would squeal and point,
And run over to talk.

Mary had a little lamb,
She soon got tired of talking.
She put it in a carry bag,
From then on when out walking.

Mary had a little lamb,
She taught to play the trumpet.
Whenever it would play a tune,
She fed it tea and crumpets.

Mary had a little lamb,
It got into the beer.
Her dad was so annoyed with her,
He grounded her for a year.

Mary had a little lamb,
It lacked opposable thumbs.
Don’t ask me how it held a trumpet,
That other rhyme was dumb.

Mary had a little lamb,
It binged on cheese and crackers.
I guess I’d want some comfort too,
With a ring around my knackers.

Mary didn’t have a lamb.
Her dog was named Miss Doodle.
Its shape was sort of spherical,
Some kind of cross-bred Poodle.

Mary had a budgie cage,
Alas she had no budgie.
She’d left the door unlocked one day,
On a family trip to Mudgee.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was thick and fluffy.
Imagine wearing that all year,
You’d be quite hot and stuffy!

Mary had a little lamb,
‘Twas famous in Japan.
It sung and danced and everything
A human pop star can.

Mary had a little lamb,
It flew off in a rocket.
Mary glared and swore revenge,
She had it in her pocket.

Mary held the self-destruct,
Its button red and glowing.
That traitor best prepare itself,
To pay what it was owing.

Mary had a little lamb,
It landed on the moon.
Disabled her destruct control,
And not a mite too soon.

Mary had a little lamb,
It had a doomsday laser.
But Mary had a secret lair;
The laser didn’t phase ‘er.

Mary had an army of
Genetic mutant ants.
Against a moon-based laser though,
Her army would be pants.

Mary’s lamb prepared to burn
The Earth till it was ash.
But Mary’s secret base took off
And flew up with a flash.

As Mary sped towards the moon,
She wondered how they’d got here.
She guessed it all began that day
The lamb drank all her dad’s beer.

Mary’s nuclear missile spread
Was awesome in its might.
But rising from the moon’s bright limb,
There came a terrible sight.

Lamby’s fleet of rocket chimps
Converged on Mary’s ship.
She’d need to think of something fast,
To give them all the slip.

Mary cried out to her lamb,
“I’m sorry! Please, I love you!
I wasn’t thinking straight that day
I cursed and kicked and shoved you!”

The lamb cried too and then it called off
All its chimpy rockets.
“I forgive you for that day,” it said,
“And the button in your pocket!”

Mary landed on the moon,
Descended to the moon base.
Revenge was getting closer now.
She quickened up the pace.

The door swung clear and Mary stood
Before her little pet.
It hadn’t picked up on her lies.
She’d win this contest yet.

Mary had a little lamb,
Revenge she would not lack.
And here our family story ends,
The bright screen fades to black.

And a bonus one, which she told me was not as hilarious as I thought it was:

Mary didn't have a lamb,
She had a fluffy bunny.
Roasted in an oven tray,
It tasted sweet as honey.
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Re: Mary Had a Little Lamb

Post by Wil »

Excellent stuff. They all seem perfectly authentic, to me... you must have garnered them from a mint source.
"I soddin' hate being misquoted..!" (Winston Churchill)

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lady lemonbalm
Posts: 27
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 2:34 pm

Re: Mary Had a Little Lamb

Post by lady lemonbalm »

Bwahahahaha! Great stuff!
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Joined: Sat Jan 19, 2019 4:04 pm
Location: Eagle, NE

Re: Mary Had a Little Lamb

Post by D00MSDAY »

doomsday. heh.
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Re: Mary Had a Little Lamb

Post by Elmaasheley »

Wow so good.
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